


20 Phrases

by dramashita



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, NewS (Band)
Genre: M/M, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-11
Updated: 2008-07-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 15:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 21,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1232152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramashita/pseuds/dramashita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>20 phrases that changed Ryo and Shige's lives forever. Life isn't always kind, but sometimes it's good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey.

The day Ryo notices Shige, really notices him as someone other than his awkward band mate with the bad hair, is dark and gloomy and smack dab in the middle of Japan’s rainy season. _Cliché, but appropriate,_ Ryo thinks, as he watches Shige being thrown against a wall outside the _jimusho_ , tight-lipped and eyes full of pain. And even though Ryo doesn’t particularly care for Shige, he’s not the type of guy who would stand by and watch as someone he knew was hurt.

He realizes the situation is a little more complicated when he runs over and sees that Shige’s attacker is actually Shige’s current boyfriend. Ryo has never taken any particular interest in Shige’s love life, but he has an impression of the stranger’s face in his mind under the label of ‘that moron the prodigy hangs around who actually annoys Koyama.’ The fact that Shige is on the receiving end of some domestic violence really gets his blood boiling, visions of Sousuke running through his head, and it makes it even easier to run up and knock the bastard a solid right hook.

Ryo turns and kneels next to Shige, eyes uncharacteristically soft. “Are you all right?”

“Nishikido-kun,” Shige breathes, completely taken off guard by his unlikely rescuer.

Ryo sucks in a breath as he notices the bruise blooming on Shige’s right cheek and feels his stomach churn a little. He holds out his hand to help Shige stand.

Shige’s eyes widen. “Nishikido-kun….” 

“Come on, I’m not going to bite,” Ryo says with a frown.

“No…look out!”

Ryo turns just in time to get the wind knocked out of him and a punch to the jaw. Before he can recover another hit lands on his eye and he falls next to Shige. Slightly embarrassed at being taken by surprise, but mostly just pissed, he puts his hand on the wall to stand up again. However Shige has beaten him to the punch—literally.

Shige turns, breathing harshly. What’s-his-name is lying on the ground, this time knocked out cold. Ryo is strangely miffed that Shige could apparently take care of himself, but he accepts Shige’s arm around his shoulders as they walk back into the _jimusho_ to mend their wounds, soaking wet from the rain they don’t even notice anymore. Even though Shige seems fine as he fetches some ice, Ryo can see the fear sill lurking in his eyes and in his jerky movements. He thinks Shige might need to cry, and it doesn’t bother him when Shige finally does, leaning against the wall in the hallway and turning his head away from Ryo to hide his tears.

Ryo’s not really good at the comforting thing, so he just sits next to him on the floor and waits. He thinks Shige looks better like this, open and pouring his broken heart out, than he does when he tries to act cool and suave for photo shoots.

When Shige finally calms down a little he applies the ice pack to Ryo’s swollen eye, smiling hesitantly, eyes still a little wet. Ryo’s breath catches in his throat. He thinks his black eye and split lip are worth it just to see this smile. Maybe tomorrow he will ask Shige if he wants to grab a bite to eat after work. 


	2. Persistence is key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey.

The first time Shige turns down Ryo’s offer of dinner, he does so because he is embarrassed. Ryo has seen him at his weakest and Shige hates exposing his own vulnerability for any reason. Not to mention he feels incredibly guilty every time he sees Nishikido’s face, the bruises seeming to spell out  _allyourfault_  in bright, glaring purple.

Ryo looks surprised when Shige tells him, “Thank you, but I’m afraid I can’t,” as if he can’t believe someone actually refused him. His eyes flash a challenge and Shige escapes before he has to say anything else that will undoubtedly be awkward and not very cool at all.

Shige hasn’t allowed himself to really think about what happened to him.

The second time Shige turns down Ryo’s offer of dinner, it’s because he is angry. He doesn’t want Nishikido’s pity, and he certainly won’t stand for his scorn or belittlement. Shige knows he was an idiot for ever hooking up with someone like Makoto, knows he should have spoken up or just taken care of things himself. Even though Shige isn’t insecure enough to believe he deserved to be hit, a little part of him cries that his own shortcomings caused Makoto’s anger.

When Shige glares and delivers a cold, “No thank you, Nishikido-kun, I’m fine,” he can see the muscles in Ryo’s jaw clench. He knows if he sticks around he’ll receive the tongue lashing he’s been dreading, so he quickly drags a bewildered Koyama to dinner. He fumes silently to himself as he imagines every insulting word that Ryo probably wanted to say.

Ryo walks into the restaurant Shige and Koyama are eating at and promptly walks out again, looking genuinely upset when he notices them. Shige is still angry, but he feels a bit guilty as well.

The third time Shige turns down Ryo’s offer for dinner, it’s because he is confused. Why the hell does Nishikido keep asking him to dinner anyway? It’s not like they’ve ever been friends. They’re not even much of enemies, just two people who happen to be in the same group. Shige is usually awkward, and Ryo is usually condescending. Even though Ryo has been a little bit nicer – nice, to Ryo, is still calling him names and teasing him but not letting others do the same – it isn’t like they’ve become friends or anything. Shige thought after refusing Ryo twice, his pride would prevent him from asking again.

This time, Ryo grinds his teeth and clenches his fists, but he adds a grudging “Please?” that looks like it pains him.

Shocked, Shige barely manages to keep himself from running as he exits.

The fourth time Shige turns down Ryo’s offer for dinner, it’s because he is scared. Shige has learned a lot about Ryo since his last attempt. For the last few weeks Ryo has actually been speaking to him like an equal, even occasionally asking for advice. He still calls Shige ‘idiot’ and ‘prodigy’, and still makes fun of Shige’s hair and glasses, but now it feels more like friendly banter. Shige even feels brave enough (or annoyed enough) sometimes to retort back, and it gives him strange feelings when Ryo gives him that funny Kanjani grin in reply, instead of a harsh glare.

What scares Shige is that every time he thinks of returning a smile or laughing along with a joke, he sees Makoto’s smirk, Makoto’s cold eyes, and Makoto’s fists. He still hasn’t gotten over his last failed relationship. He still wakes up sometimes cowering on the edge of his bed.

Instead of looking frustrated or angry, when Shige stammers out a “S-sorry, but….I..I’m busy…” and doesn’t meet his gaze, Ryo looks concerned. He even reaches out to touch Shige’s elbow, but Shige bolts and doesn’t let anyone see the glint of water in his eyes.

The fifth time Ryo asks Shige out to dinner, he accepts.

Ryo smiles, ruffling Shige’s hair softly before he turns away with a snort. “Took you long enough.”


	3. No pain, no gain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Ryo realizes he’s interested in Shige as more than a friend when Shige turns his dinner invitation down for – he cringes – the fourth time. He sees the fear on his face and something inside him responds to it, burns in his chest. When Shige flees, Ryo lets him go, sits down to think. He doesn’t necessarily want a relationship with a guy, but he thinks Shige might be worth it.

But how does he tell him? Shige is still wary of him, has refused him four times (How is that even possible?). Ryo doesn’t want to….confess….because he’s not a girl, and that’s such a girl thing to do.

But Ryo is nothing if not patient – he will often lie in wait for hours for Akanishi to walk by just so he can sneak attack his collarbone and make him squeal like the girl he is – so he waits until Shige finally agrees to go to dinner with him. Then he begins to show his affection.  
Unfortunately, not everyone speaks Nishikido.

When Ryo sees Shige studying and blocking out everyone around him, he feels ignored and Shige looks tired, so he pushes Shige’s books away and puts his head in Shige’s lap.

“It’s not like any of that is making it into your thick head. Do something useful and don’t move,” Ryo says, making himself comfortable. This means pay attention to me, I’m lonely, and you need a break. However, Shige sees the smirk on Ryo’s face and takes it as I don’t care if you fail, nerd boy, be my slave. Bewildered, Shige looks up and sees he’s not the only one taken aback by Ryo’s actions. The other News members are all staring at the unusual scene, though Koyama is positively beaming, the traitor.

Ryo is satisfied until Shige scowls and pushes him off his lap and off of the couch. “Oi! What the hell?” Ryo barks, pushing himself up off the floor.

“I’m not your pillow, Nishikido-kun. I have to study. Go find someone else to terrorize.” Shige rubs his forehead with a sigh and makes a shooing motion toward the door.

Not pouting, because sexy men definitely don’t pout like children, Ryo glares and stalks off to find a place to ambush Akanishi.

A few days later, Ryo walks in the room to find Shige staring at his lunch with a scowl, eyes distant and shoulders hunched. He thinks Shige really looks like an old man, like he’s worrying too much about things he can’t control, so takes Shige’s chopsticks and starts shoving the food into Shige’s mouth.

“Open up, old man! You need all the protein you can get,” Ryo says gleefully. Naturally, this means: Stop brooding. You look a little thin, so eat more and be healthy so you don’t get sick.

Naturally, Shige hears: Haha, you dork, you have no muscle and you’re ugly! He chokes a little on all the shrimp and rice being forced into his mouth and pushes Ryo’s hand away. He swallows and scowls at Ryo. “What is it with you? Why do you always shove things down my throat?”

Ignoring the thoughts of something else that might be pushed down Shige’s throat – because Ryo is a guy, damn it, and he thinks about these things – Ryo grins widely. “You enjoy it, don’t lie. Hey, eat dinner with me tonight at 6 at the ramen place by your apartment.”

Shige sighs. “Are you going to force feed me some more?”

“Well, that depends—”

“Then no.”

Ryo frowns. “Oi, you still have to make up for refusing me before.”

“No.”

“Fine,” Ryo says grudgingly. “I won’t feed you. But don’t you dare show up late and leave me sitting there like a moron.”

Translation: Please eat with me. Even if you don’t show up I’ll be waiting for you.

Shige’s interpretation: If you don’t show up I’ll torture you more. He rolls his eyes a little and agrees, but shows up ten minutes late just to make Ryo squirm.

Things continue in this manner for a few weeks before Ryo starts to suspect that something is being lost in translation. He still doesn’t want to confess, but he realizes that if he doesn't he’ll never get anywhere with Shige.


	4. Turnabout is fair play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

One night Shige sits waiting for Ryo, who is twenty minutes late, at a nice French restaurant in Aoyama, and tries not to think. Shige tries not to think because he knows if he does he will only start thinking about Ryo. He knows Nishikido considers him somewhat of a friend now, and to be honest Ryo is rising in his good opinion as well, but the degree to which the Osaka man is occupying his thoughts is a little startling.

Sighing, he traces circles on the menu in front of him and tries to concentrate on recalling the details of the Local Autonomy Law which will be on his next quiz. He fidgets and begins to hum the chorus to Snow Express, but he stops when he ends up a little off key. He folds his napkin into a frog, and a duck, and a turtle, until it is mangled beyond recognition and he ends up tearing it apart. The main thing is, he is not thinking about Ryo.

This strategy goes right out the door when Ryo walks up to the table and smiles. “Shooting ran late. Have you ordered?”

Shige shakes his head and keeps staring. Ryo’s hair is a little disheveled but his clothes are sharp. His black slacks are nicely pressed and go very, very well with his dark green button down shirt. His attire is actually pretty simple, but for some reason Shige can’t look away, entranced by the way the shirt flows over Ryo’s shoulders, the first few buttons undone and showing a peek of collarbone.

Ryo reaches over and flicks Shige’s forehead, smirk growing wider. “Hey, are you listening? I know I’m sexy, but please keep your thoughts PG.”

Shige flushes horribly and his hands fumble with the menu. “I…you…ugh, just shut up. You’re so full of yourself. My thoughts are most assuredly not on you,” he lies, willing his eyes to move away from Ryo’s chest to Ryo’s face. But when he does manage to look up, Ryo’s smirk is now a wicked grin and he knows he’ll never live this down.

He is surprised when Ryo merely continues talking about his earlier photo shoot. He is also very, very paranoid. Unfortunately for Shige, this attraction just won't go away, and even more embarrassing, Ryo is loving every second of it.

Two weeks later, Shige is rushing out of the jimusho to catch the next train to Aoyama for his 2pm class when he realizes he forgot one of his books on a table in their dressing room. Groaning, he races up the stairs and bursts into the room, but he stops dead and nearly falls over when he comes face to face with a very wet Nishikido Ryo in a towel.

Ryo stands by his locker with his clothes already out and ready to put on, and Shige’s presence doesn’t stop him from bending to slip into his boxer briefs. “Wow, clumsy and forgetful? Tsk tsk, prodigy.”

Shige scowls, but he can’t stop watching the trails of water make their way over a slender chest and flat abs. He feels a little disappointed as Ryo starts toweling himself off before he manages to snap out of his trance. “Shut up. I just….my book….”

Ryo holds up a thick law text. “This book?” He smirks.

Shige smiles a little and goes to take the book from Ryo, but Ryo quickly pulls it behind his back and steps forward, chest-to-chest with Shige.

“What are you doing?” Shige asks, voice trembling a bit as he catches a whiff of Ryo’s fresh, clean scent. His eyes cross a little and he shivers as he feels Ryo’s breath on his cheeks.

“I’m holding it for ransom,” Ryo says seriously, even though he is fighting a grin. “Speak to me in Kansai-ben and you can have it back.”

“…what?!”

He laughs. “You heard me. Kansai-ben. Now Tokyo-boy, or you won’t get it back.”

Shige grits his teeth. “Why the hell do you want me to speak Kansai-ben?”

“I want to save you from losing your roots. It’s really a noble cause,” Ryo replies.

“I don’t have time for this, just give me the book,” Shige sighs. He wants to reach up and rub his forehead, but Ryo’s too close. In fact, Shige can barely concentrate enough to speak. Ryo’s bare chest is in front of him and all he wants to do is lean forward a little more and see if he tastes as good as he smells. This is not good. He steps back a little to clear his head, but decides to fight fire with fire and steps back into Ryo’s personal space.

Ryo’s eyes flicker but he doesn’t stop Shige from putting his hands on his waist. “Nishikido-kun,” Shige breathes, tilting his head and staring straight into Ryo’s eyes. He knows Ryo is just messing with him with all of this, but he enjoys seeing Ryo’s eyes cloud over. It’s good to know he can have the same power over Ryo that Ryo has on him.

Suddenly Shige grins and Ryo doesn’t have enough time to react before Shige is sliding his hands around to Ryo’s back and grabbing the book. He darts away quickly and grabs his bag, laughing as Ryo scowls furiously. “Have fun in Osaka this weekend,” Shige calls out cheekily as he exits.

Ryo’s snarl is audible even from outside the room.


	5. Business before pleasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Despite Shige’s newfound love of turning all of his teasing back on him, Ryo loves this development in their relationship. He likes the feel of Shige’s eyes on him, likes the blush that faintly appears on Shige’s cheeks. He loves being close enough to feel Shige’s body heat and leaning in to breathe softly on Shige’s neck.

Sometimes Shige still gets flustered and it’s cute to watch him stammer and find excuses to run away. Other times, which are happening with increasing frequency, Shige’s whole body will still, his eyes will close and he’ll lean in toward Ryo looking needy and wanting. At that point, Ryo usually forgets all about why he was teasing Shige in the first place as all his senses scream _WANT!!_

Of course, this is when Shige strikes, skillfully evading whatever it was Ryo was bothering him about and leaving Ryo frustrated and plotting revenge. Ryo thinks if he could just get Shige to give in to this growing attraction between them he could possibly confess without sounding like a girl. He still hasn’t forgotten Shige’s smile from that night. He wants to see it again, but all the smiles Shige give look a little forced. They never reach his eyes, and sometimes Ryo will do things like bully the other News members into leaving Shige alone so he can study, or he will force Shige’s head in his lap and stroke his hair when he looks particularly stressed or tired, but while Shige is grateful (sometimes, but not nearly enough), he never looks truly happy.

It makes Ryo a little sad that the only time he’s seen Shige look truly happy was right after he looked truly broken.

Ryo stops thinking as the object of his thoughts runs up. Shige leans over and rests his hands on his knees, panting.

“Sorry, Nishikido-kun, I got carried away talking to Koyama on the phone and I missed the train. Nyanta’s been acting funny and he wanted my opinion,” Shige says with a grin.

Ryo scowls. “You could have called. I’ve been sitting here for half an hour.”

Shige blinks at him. “But I don’t have your number.”

“…what? Why not?!”

“It’s not my fault! You’ve never given it to me,” he says, giving Ryo a funny look.

Rolling his eyes, Ryo grabs Shige’s bag and digs around, ignoring the younger man’s cry of protest. He finds Shige’s cell phone and enters his number, saving it as ‘Sexy secret asian man.’ He shoulders Shige’s bag and grabs his wrist, pulling the stunned law student after him.

“What—where are we going? Didn’t you want to eat there? I can carry my own bag, you know. Hey!”

“Shut up. Change of plans. Turns out I have to head to Osaka tonight because they moved up filming for our PV, so you’re going to walk me to the station,” he says, dropping Shige’s wrist but keeping the bag, smirking.

Shige’s quiet at first but then asks, “Where’s your bag?”

“…I live in Osaka more often than Tokyo. I have all the stuff I need there.”

“Oh.”

Ryo hates the awkward silence that falls between them. This is probably the only time he hasn’t jumped at the chance to go home, but how can he want to go home when stupid Shige keeps making eyes at him and giving him reasons to stay?

“How long will you be in Osaka? You’ve been in Tokyo for most of the summer, so you’ll probably be there a while, right?”

Ryo nods. “Yeah, I think about three weeks.  I might have to come back to Tokyo one weekend to pick up the music for our next single.”

Again, silence. Ryo can’t stand it, so he punches Shige in the shoulder.

“Hey! What the hell was that for?” Shige growls, rubbing the offended area and shoving back at Ryo.

“Oi,” Ryo smirks. “I know you’ll miss me and everything, but don’t be so gloomy. It just makes the wrinkles on your forehead deeper.”

“I don’t have wrinkles!”

“Haha, but you _will_ miss me!”

“I…I didn’t say…” Shige sputters. “I mean…of course not…you’re an ass.” He scowls and shoves his hands in his pockets so he won’t feel like strangling the shorter man, but he can’t manage to make the blush on his face fade away.

Ryo continues teasing Shige until they reach the station. He’s actually glad to see it, but mostly because he thinks if it took any longer Shige would probably try to kill him. The eyebrow tick he gets when angry is very amusing though.

Ryo buys his ticket and says goodbye to Shige, turning to walk toward the waiting platform. However Shige stops him with a quiet, “See you later. _Honja, mata na_.” Kansai-ben. Ryo can’t help it. He bursts out laughing.

Shige scowls and yells something rude at him and storms off, but Ryo can’t stop laughing, still chuckling quietly 15 minutes later when the Shinkansen pulls up.  



	6. Laughter is the best medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Yoko notices something is off with Ryo as soon as he arrives at their shooting location the last morning of filming. Instead of walking over sleepily and demanding Yoko make him a cup of coffee, Ryo shuffles straight to the coffee pot and makes one himself. He puts in two spoons of sugar and three spoons of cream, then collapses in a chair and buries his head in his arms on the table.

Yoko is, understandably, a little baffled; because Ryo never makes his own coffee….and he _never_ puts cream or sugar. Black coffee is manly, he always says. He’s been drinking his coffee black every morning of filming until now. Yoko watches as Ryo lifts his head to take a sip, and laughs at his face when he spits is all back into the cup, choking.

Grumbling, Ryo throws away his coffee, making sure to shove Yokoyama a little as he passes. How can Shige drink this stuff? He can practically feel the cavities forming, and he has to resist the urge to brush his teeth again.

Two hours later, Maru and Ryo are standing off to the side as the others film their part of the chorus. Maru notices that Ryo looks a little tired, a little frayed at the edges, so he makes a few faces and mocks Hina a bit to try and make him laugh. Ryo smiles a little but he still seems almost distant. Grinning, Maru cracks a joke about Leah Dizon and Yoko, hoping to get Ryo’s blood boiling, but all he does is scowl and mess with his phone.

That’s when Maru knows something is wrong.

Ryo fidgets with his cell phone as he wonders if Shige is studying too hard. He has a test in two days, and without Ryo he’s likely to forget to eat or something. Ryo starts imagining Shige hunched over his notes, highlighting and annotating with a wild look in his eyes, cheeks sunken and skin sallow. Ryo scowls and starts typing a message.

_To: Koyama_

_I know you have nothing to do today, so you’re going to pick up Shige at noon for lunch and make him stop studying!_

Grinning, he sends another.

_To: Shige_

_Koyama will be at your place by noon. Eat with him or else ><! _

Feeling a little better, he finally realizes Maru has been talking to him.

Later that day, after filming is over, Subaru and Yasu abduct Ryo to go shopping. They hit up their usual stores and make each other try on ridiculous clothes, taking pictures with their cell phones to show the others later at dinner.

At one store, Subaru tries something on but it’s a little big. He turns his best puppy eyes on Yasu, who sighs with a smile and goes to find the sales attendant to request a smaller size. Expecting the usual joke at his expense, Subaru glares at Ryo preemptively only to find Ryo contemplating a shirt. Curious, or just nosy, Subaru wanders over to take a peek. It doesn’t really seem like Ryo’s style, but it’s a nice shirt, black with silver designs twirling around the torso and a deep v-neck.

Ryo doesn’t really notice Subaru because he is too busy thinking about what this shirt would look like on Shige – or maybe on Shige as Ryo is taking it off—and whether the other man would actually wear it. It’s not really expensive or anything and it’s been about a week and a half since he saw Shige, so he’s feeling a little sentimental (but he wouldn’t admit it out loud).

Yasu comes back with Subaru’s shirt and joins him in examining Ryo’s object of interest. “Thinking of buying that?” Yasu asks, handing Subaru his shirt.

Blushing, Ryo shoves the shirt viciously at the rack. “No! I’m just…wondering why such an ugly shirt is in this store.”

Yasu turns a bewildered look to Subaru, who returns it. “It’s not a bad shirt,” Yasu says. “I didn’t mean it was ugly or anything…”

Ryo’s eyes linger on the shirt for a minute before he turns away. “I’m done here. I’ll be at the front. Meet me when you guys finish.”

Subaru blinks. “Think something’s bothering him?”

Yasu nods and pushes Subaru toward the dressing room. “Hurry up and try it on so we can leave.”

About an hour after the shopping incident, all of Eito meet up at an okonomiyaki shop for dinner. For the most part things go well and everyone has a good time. However, as the night goes on they all notice Ryo picking on his food and silently exchange looks.  
Hina grins widely and smacks Ryo soundly on the back of his head.

“Oi!” Ryo shouts. “What the hell?”

Yoko leans over and pinches his cheek. “Ryo-chan! Stop brooding!”

Yasu smiles brightly. “Be happy! You’re not Tokyo-sick, are you?”

Subaru laughs and flicks a piece of cabbage at him. “More like Shige-sick, I think.”

Everyone turns to look at him and Ryo’s eyes widen. “What…where did you come up with that?!” Ryo growls. Subaru grins and holds up Ryo’s cell phone, which he hadn’t even realized was missing.

“I went through your messages,” Subaru says, looking very, very pleased with himself and completely unconcerned with Ryo’s anger. “To Nishikido,” Subaru reads. “ _Stop ordering me around when we’re not even in the same city! Oh, I’ll have to show you the place Koyama took me to for lunch when you get back. But I still haven’t forgiven you for laughing at my Kansai-ben!!_ ”

Snarling, Ryo snatches his phone away and sulks.

It’s silent for a minute as they all digest this new information, but then everyone is even louder than before. Okura is laughing so hard he’s nearly on the floor while Maru tries to pull him back up, also laughing. Yasu is making excited noises and making plans to go back to the store from earlier so Ryo can buy the shirt for Shige.

Yoko coos in his ear and evades Ryo’s attempts to throttle him.

“At least he was born in Osaka!” Hina exclaims, and everyone bursts into more laughter. Ryo even starts to chuckle a little, inwardly relieved at the reactions of his band mates, and soon he’s feeling in much better spirits. 


	7. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

“You and Ryo-chan are really getting close, huh?” Koyama says to Shige as they sit eating the best oyakodon Shige has ever tasted.

Shige is still feeling particularly miffed about Ryo interrupting his study time from _over 400 kilometers away_ , so he just scowls and shakes his head. “Not particularly.”

Koyama grins and leans in closer. “Aww, Geshi, don’t be shy! I think it’s great! Out of all the News members, you two got along the worst, but now you guys are friends. News has come a long way!”

“Kei,” Shige laughs, “is that all you ever think about?”

Koyama puts a piece of his chicken in Shige’s bowl and shrugs. “No, but News is the best part of my life right now, so I just want to protect it as much as I can.”

Shige feels a rush of affection for his best friend. He remembers how lost Koyama looked during the suspension and nods understandingly.

Koyama’s look suddenly turns sly. “But you know…I think Ryo-chan has a crush on you.”

Shige chokes on his rice. “W-what?!”

“I’m serious! He’s always looking out for you and staring at you like a puppy. A really sleepy puppy.”

Snorting, Shige shakes his head. “A puppy? What, like a pit bull? Or maybe a Chihuahua… And he’s not looking out for me. He just likes to mess with me.”

“He’s pulling your pigtails!”

“No he’s not!” Shige groans. “He always interrupts my study time and makes me do things for him. It’s always, ‘Shige, get me a Calpis,’ or ‘Shige, be my pillow,’ or ‘Shige, my lunch is gross, you better eat it.’ It’s so frustrating! He tells me my music sucks and buys me CD’s to ‘educate’ me. He’s constantly calling me names and he just orders me to eat with him without asking if I have other plans.”

“Shige—”

“Do you know what name he gave himself in my phone? He’s so full of himself. He lives to embarrass me and point out my flaws.”

“Shige!”

“What?”

“You’re smiling,” Koyama points out, grinning.

Shige blinks and realizes that, yes, he is indeed smiling. Groaning he bangs his forehead on the table. “It’s just…it’s just funny how pushy he is. It’s not like I enjoy it or anything.”

“Well…he’s definitely better than Makoto, so…Best Friend Approval—granted!” Koyama laughs as if what he said was hilarious and Shige sits up and rubs at his damaged forehead. Why was he friends with this guy again?

“But really, Kei, I’m not interested in him that way. It’s just…kind of fun to hang out with him, even if he is a jerk. I like that he doesn’t hate me anymore, but I don’t think I could take a relationship with him. Putting aside all group issues, I would just end up with a broken heart again.”  
Koyama puts down his chopsticks and looks at Shige in concern. “Shige…why do you feel that way?”

Shige doesn’t meet his eyes. “I mean…come on Kei, look at me. I’m nothing compared to him. He really is an idol all around. He’s talented and he deserves to be in the spotlight. I’m just…lucky to even be in a group. Especially News.”

“Shige! Don’t say that! You deserve to be in News just as much as Ryo. You’ve never been this insecure before, who made you feel that way?”

Shige refuses to speak. He just stares at his nearly empty rice bowl trying to block out the sound of mocking laughter from his head. He’s startled when he feels Koyama’s arms around his shoulders. He didn’t even hear Kei get up.

“Kei,” Shige hisses, “we’re in public!” Their table is blocked by a lot of plants, but someone might still see.

Koyama just tightens his hold. “Shige, you will tell me what happened with Makoto one day soon, right? I won’t push, but I worry about you. I just want you to be happy.”

Shige blinks his eyes rapidly and leans slightly against Koyama. “Thank you for being my friend, Kei,” he says quietly. “I promise I’ll tell you soon.”

Later that night as Shige takes a break from studying to make himself dinner—because contrary to Ryo’s belief, he _can_ take care of himself, thank you very much—he eyes his phone and tries to resist sending Ryo a message. Koyama decided to accompany him home after lunch and spent a few hours watching a movie on Shige’s couch and being stupid, but mostly his antics just made Shige feel better.

He doesn’t really want to think about this…thing…growing between them, but just because he doesn’t _want_ to, doesn’t mean he can stop himself. He thinks about how much Ryo might like that restaurant Koyama took him to, and he decides to send a message just this once.

After dinner he tries to hit the books again, but he can’t concentrate. It’s weird because he can remember times when not seeing Ryo for months was a blessing, and now it’s barely been a week and a half and he can only think about wanting to see Ryo again.

Looking around to make sure nobody notices, which is a little stupid since it is his apartment and no one else is here save Nana, Shige pulls a yet-to-be-opened dvd out of a bag by his bookshelf. Utterly mortified by himself, he puts the disc in as fast as possible and hits play before he can change his mind.

Grabbing a blanket he settles in to watch the Attention Please SP in Sydney.  



	8. Finders keepers, losers weepers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

When Ryo gets back to Tokyo, the first thing he does is message Shige.

_To: Shige_

_Rejoice! I’m back in Tokyo._

To which Shige immediately replies:  
 _  
To: Nishikido_

_Thanks for the warning. I’ll be sure to hop the next flight to Hokkaido.  :P_

Ryo grins and pockets his phone, heading toward Shige’s apartment. He stops at a few food markets to pick up some vegetables and a few shrimp, wanting to surprise the law student and make dinner. He finds the place with a bit of difficulty—Koyama’s directions were horrid—and he finally knocks on apartment 7A about two hours after his return.

Inside the apartment, Shige jumps and ends up dropping his law text on his foot. Cursing loudly he makes his way to the door, irritated and limping. He opens the door with a scowl only to see a plastic bag filling his vision.

“Tadaima,” Ryo calls cheerfully from behind the bag, toeing off his shoes and pushing past Shige into the apartment.

Bewildered, Shige just arranges Ryo’s shoes neatly off to the side. “Okaeri,” he calls back automatically, and then frowns. “Wait, this isn’t your house. You don’t live here. What are you doing here?”

Ryo starts peering into rooms, completely ignoring him. “Nice place. Small, but I guess it works.”

Shige rubs his forehead and sighs. “Thanks, I guess. What are you doing here?”

Ryo walks into the kitchen and starts rummaging through the drawers. “Where are your pans? Do you have a wok?”

_“What are you doing here?!”_

Rolling his eyes, Ryo sets his bag on the counter and steps closer to Shige. “I’m making dinner. Is shrimp stir-fry okay?”

Shige nods, distracted by the scent of Ryo’s cologne and the sudden realization that Ryo is here, in front of him, and not in Osaka. It is disturbing to him how much that thought relieves him, as if lifting a burden from his chest. He feels oddly touched that Ryo is making him dinner. “Yeah…thanks. Wait…have you even been home? Didn’t you arrive in Tokyo about…two hours ago?”

“Yeah,” Ryo says and shrugs. “But you’ve never invited me over so I invited myself.” He grins.

“…Hey, how did you even find my apartment?”

“Koyama.”

Shige groans. “Traitor.”

“He likes me better than you.”

“Shut up.”

Ryo laughs and reaches to tug on a few strands of Shige’s hair. It’s starting to grow out and a bit of it is falling into his eyes since he hadn’t bothered to style it that morning. In fact, compared to Ryo, who is dressed in nice jeans and a vintage t-shirt, Shige looks pretty dull. He only put on a pair of sweat pants and an old over sized t-shirt with fraying hems that morning, mostly because he planned to spend the day studying and cleaning.

Ryo can practically feel it the moment Shige becomes self-conscious, so he tugs a little harder on his hair to get his attention. “When are you going to cut this again? It looks best when it’s shorter.”

Shige huffs. “Weren’t you going to make dinner?”

Ryo lets his fingers run through Shige’s hair once before he turns and grabs a blue bag that Shige hadn’t seen when he first entered. Ryo hands it to him and looks away. “Here. I bought it and decided I didn’t like it, so you can have it,” he says gruffly before turning and resuming his search for kitchen equipment.

Shige’s blushing and he knows at this point he might as well give up on trying to fight it. Curiously he peeks in the bag and pulls out a black, v-necked shirt with silver designs. He notices the tag and laughs because this time he gets the message and understands that Ryo was too embarrassed to admit to buying him a present. Without much thought he strips off his ratty shirt to pull on this new one, not noticing Ryo’s eyes on him every second.

“It looks nice. Of course, it would be better without the sweat pants, but it’s nice,” Ryo comments while chopping carrots.

“I like it. Thank you,” Shige replies. He doesn’t know what else to say, and he feels a little silly but for some reason the combination of all the events so far—Ryo visiting him before anyone else, Ryo making dinner in his apartment, Ryo thinking of him even in another city—cause a wave of affection to wash over him and all he can do is turn to Ryo and smile.

Ryo drops his knife. There it is. There’s that smile, the one Ryo has been desperately trying to extract from Shige. It lights up his eyes and softens his features and it makes Ryo hold his breath. In that instant he wants so badly to kiss him that it almost hurts. Before he can stop himself he is stepping close to Shige and brushing his fingers lightly over Shige’s cheek.

Someone knocks on the door.

The noise brings Shige out of his trance. He rubs his arms to get rid of the shivers caused by the intense look in Ryo’s eyes and almost reluctantly steps away toward the door.

Ryo sighs and goes back to chopping carrots, but he keeps one ear open.

Shige doesn’t think to check who it is before he answers the door, so when he pulls it open he freezes as Makoto’s face greets him. The pleasant, hazy mood he was in before completely vanishes and he feels anger and fear raging inside of him.

“…why are you here?” Shige manages to whisper.

Makoto’s eyes turn pleading and contrite in an instant. “Shigeaki, oh god, it’s so good to see you. I just…I miss you so much and I just wanted to see you again. I can’t get your face out of my head. I know…I know you probably don’t want to see me, but…I just had to see you again, Shigeaki.”

In the kitchen, Ryo’s eyebrows draw together as he tries to remember if he’s ever heard anyone address Shige by his full given name. He can’t hear much of their conversation but he managed to catch the name. Wiping his hands on a towel he walks to the door to see what’s going on.

Shige is still frozen in place. “please…please leave. I…Makoto…”

“No, please, hear me out!” Makoto cries. “I know what I did to you was wrong, but I was so jealous! You’re always around such good looking guys, and I was so scared you would leave me. I just…I got scared. I needed to make sure you wouldn’t leave me. But I know I was wrong! Shigeaki, listen—”

“Get out,” Ryo’s cold voice interrupts. He is glaring daggers and clenching his fists.

Makoto’s face hardens when he sees Ryo, his eyes flashing in recognition. “What is this, your new boy toy?” He scowls and grabs Shige’s arm harshly. “What the hell is this? You just move onto him as soon as you’re done with me? You little slut, who do you think you are?”

“I said, GET OUT!” Ryo growls and seizes Makoto’s wrist, twisting it harshly and forcing him to let go of Shige’s arm. Makoto cries out and wrenches his hand away, looking ready to fight back.

Ryo’s presence pulls Shige from his stupor and suddenly the anger overwhelms the fear and he’s roughly pushing Makoto out the door. “Leave me the hell alone, you bastard!” He yells and follows out into the hallway. He’s clear headed enough to remember that Makoto is scared of other people’s opinions more than anything else, and if they’re out in the hall then his neighbors will be able to hear.

Shige’s strategy works and Makoto backs off, gritting his teeth. Ryo wraps an arm around Shige’s shoulders as Makoto stalks always, and leads him back inside. He shuts the door behind him softly. Shige lets out a frustrated yell and suddenly turns and punches the wall.

Quickly, Ryo pulls Shige close and wraps his arms tightly around his back. “It’s okay, he’s gone.” Ryo doesn’t know what else to do but hold onto Shige. He thinks back to the last time he witnessed Shige’s breakdown and how he could only sit and let Shige cry. He wants to do better this time, but he’s still lost.

Shige’s not crying this time, though. He doesn’t feel broken hearted or betrayed or anything like that. Instead he is very, very angry. In his head he sees a replay of every time he let Makoto hit him, every time he let Makoto ridicule him, every time he was too weak to stand up for himself. He beats against Ryo’s chest and breathes harshly into Ryo’s neck.

After a few minutes he calms down enough to slump limply into Ryo’s arms. He stills his fists and instead curls them over Ryo’s shoulders. Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes and lets himself just _feel_. He breathes when Ryo breathes and feels Ryo’s heartbeat under his arm. Ryo’s arms ground him and little by little he lets go of the raging emotions in his chest.

Quietly, Ryo asks, “Do you still feel up to dinner?”

Shige shakes his head and leans back to pull Ryo along to his bedroom. “I’m just exhausted. Can we sleep?”

“You want me to stay with you?”

Shige nods, pulling back the covers of his bed. He tugs Ryo into bed with him and curls up in his arms again. He doesn’t even have the energy to be embarrassed.

Ryo watches Shige drift off and lightly draws patterns on his arm, eventually falling asleep a few hours later.


	9. All good things must come to an end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Shige wakes sometime around 7am, chilled and nearly falling off the bed. He swipes at his face half-heartedly and tugs hard on the covers that Nishikido has completely wrapped himself in. It figures he would be a blanket-hog. Shige pulls and pulls but he can’t make the comforter budge a centimeter. Growling, he picks up his pillow and smacks Ryo right in the head.

Ryo is not amused. “What the hell?!” he shout-mumbles. Shige smirks.

“You stole my covers.”

“So you _hit me with a pillow?!_ ”

Shige just shrugs. “I was cold.”

Smirking, Ryo rolls around and manages to curl the sheets around him even tighter. “You can stay cold.”

Shige hits him again with the pillow.

“Oi! I hope you know that if you damage me my fans will get revenge.”

“Hah!” Shige snorts. “They probably wouldn’t notice since your head can’t be seen over ours anyway.”

Ryo wiggles out of his blanket cocoon and drapes around Shige’s shoulders. “You’re just jealous of my sexiness.”

“Oh please. Yamashita is twice as sexy as you,” Shige says with a quirk of his lips. Ryo scowls and bear-hugs him.

“What was that?!”

Shige gasps and claws at Ryo’s arms. “You psycho! Let me go!” He yells, but he’s laughing and not really putting up much of a fight. He leans his head back against Ryo’s neck and stares at the patterns on the ceiling.

“What are you thinking, old man?” Ryo asks, voice husky by Shige’s ear. He blushes and his self-consciousness kicks in on overdrive, making up for lost time. Squirming away from Ryo, he busies himself with going through his closet.

“Just…breakfast? I mean…do you want some?” He stammers, absently pulling out a pair of jeans and a black polo shirt.

Ryo rolls his eyes. “Of course, stupid. We didn’t eat dinner yesterday.”

Shige scowls and throws a hanger at him. “I’m not stupid. I was being polite.”

“With me?” Ryo laughs. “You must be going senile.”

Shige smiles sweetly at him. “You’re right. I must be spending too much time with you. You’re rubbing off on me.” He dodges the hanger and laughs. “Anyway, breakfast?”

“I want miso.”

“Okay. Make it yourself.”

“I want _you_ to make me miso.”

“I want _you_ to make it yourself.”

“I’m the guest.”

“You came over uninvited.”

“I saved you from solitude.”

“I could have invited Koyama.”

“I made you dinner.”

“No you didn’t! You were _going_ to make me dinner. The actual completion never occurred.”

Grumbling Ryo walks to Shige’s closet and picks through his clothes. “Well if I’m making you breakfast then you’re loaning me a shirt.” He flips through the hangers quickly and frowns. “You dress like a girl.”

Letting out an irritated sound Shige grabs the first thing his hand comes in contact with and shoves it at Ryo. “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“I would never be homeless!”

Shige rubs his forehead and sighs. “How can you possibly be this irritating so early in the morning?”

Ryo ignores him and pulls his shirt over his head. Shige beats a hasty retreat and heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He’s not exactly sure where all of this is going, and now that he’s fully awake he’s starting to think about it. It’s not like he can really deny the feelings growing rapidly between them anymore, but at the same time he feels like clinging desperately to ignorance. He decides it is better to not think for now.

He goes back to his room and changes, styles his hair and dons his glasses. When he comes out Ryo is serving the rice and miso along with a few quickly grilled shrimp. Pushing away his worries, he focuses on enjoying breakfast.

Ryo leaves two hours later to stop at his apartment before work, and Shige gets ready to go to class. He doesn’t have to meet the others at the jimusho until 2pm.

As always for Shige, the more he determines _not_ to think of something, the more it actually occupies his mind. He can’t concentrate at all in class and instead makes a list of the pros and cons of a relationship with Nishikido Ryo. The cons outnumber the pros two to one.

As he eats lunch he outlines a hypothetical logical progression of their relationship seven times, but the end result is never happily ever after, or even just happy. No matter how much he looks at it, all he sees is broken friendships, broken hearts, and tears.

While sitting on the train he does some stupid name compatibility love test on his phone, and even that comes out with only an 18% survival rate for any future with Ryo.

Things are much more awkward than they should be when Shige next sees Ryo in the recording studio with the others. Every time Ryo sits next to him or casually touches him, Shige jumps and moves to stand by Koyama. He knows he’s acting ridiculous, but his brain is working so hard to ignore his heart that he feels like he’s got a short circuit somewhere. He craves the easy, lighthearted atmosphere of the morning, yet he’s destroying that possibility all by himself.

Shige knows Ryo isn’t turning a blind eye, either. He scowls openly at Shige and follows him every time he flees. The result is something like an awkward cat and mouse game around the studio.

Ryo’s mood is also deteriorating the more Shige avoids him. He ends up snapping at Massu for eating too loudly, Yamapi for grunting _once_ during his push-ups, Koyama for smiling too widely, and he shocks everyone when he snaps at Tegoshi for knocking over a water bottle while practicing a dance move. The only one he doesn’t gripe at is Shige. Koyama starts giving Shige disapproving looks when Ryo hangs up on Uchi when he calls.

When they’re done recording, Shige immediately bolts for the door, but before he can reach it Ryo captures his wrist and holds him in place. Shige doesn’t look back to see his face.

“Oi, Kato,” Ryo says, and Shige winces. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Shige doesn’t reply, looking around at the startled faces of the other members.

Ryo notices his gaze and scowls. “Ignore them. Why have you been avoiding me? Did I piss you off or something?”

Shige shakes his head.

Ryo’s eyes soften. “Did you have a run in with… _him_?”

The concern on Ryo’s face is too much for him and he pulls his arm away sharply. “I don’t want to do this!” he yells.

“Do what?”

“This! This…thing between us. I can’t do this.”

Ryo’s lips draw thin and he takes a slow breath. “What, exactly, are you saying?” His voice is cold.

Part of Shige is crying for him to stop this. To shut his mouth and just accept what Ryo is offering him. He wants to have more mornings waking up to Ryo hogging the covers and demanding breakfast. He wants to fall asleep in his arms and argue over stupid things. But Shige is too scared to admit this. Too certain that everything will end badly.

“I mean,” Shige starts, but has to swallow around the lump in his throat. “I mean that we can’t start this. We can’t be together. I’m grateful to you, and I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you, but anything more just…just won’t work.”

Ryo breathes harshly through his nose. “Last night, and this morning, it felt good right? I do want more, but I’m not going to force you. I’m not that kind of person, Shige, and I thought you knew that.” He is eerily calm, and Shige thinks it’s more frightening than his anger would be.

“Don’t be stupid!” Shige replies, scowling. “There’s no possible way things would work out between us. Think of the group! Think of our careers! Ten, twenty years down the road, where will we be? What happens when one of us meets a girl worth settling down for?”

“Damnit Shige!” Ryo yells, the hold on his temper dissolving. “How unbelievably stupid can you be? It doesn’t matter what will happen in the future. You’re just making excuses because you’re scared.” He takes a deep breath. “Don’t you think it’s worth it? I’ve thought of all of those things and decided to hell with them! I would risk all of it for you. Get it through your head that I like you, that I’m falling in love with you, bastard.” It’s surprisingly easy to say, considering how hard he struggled with it for the last few months. But in the face of Shige’s stubborn denial, his own reservations dissolve.

Distantly, Shige hears Tegoshi’s gasp of surprise. He can see the others all gathered behind Ryo, staring with wide eyes. They way they’re grouped makes Shige feel cornered, trapped. Even Koyama seems to be supporting Ryo. Shige’s heart is lurching and twisting in his chest and he wants to kiss the anger off of Ryo’s face. He wants the others to be smiling at him and teasing him instead of watching him with disappointed eyes and grim faces. He wants to say something to redeem himself. Instead, he rubs harshly at his eyes and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

He turns and walks out and this time no one stops him.  



	10. Where there's a will, there's a way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

As soon as Shige leaves, Ryo pulls off his jacket and throws it across the room. He kicks over one chair as he moves to sit in another, and leans his elbows on his knees and buries his head in his hands.

Silently, the others pull themselves together and regroup. Yamapi’s leader face emerges and they all exchange significant looks. Massu heads to a vending machine to get Ryo a cold drink, while Tegoshi and Yamapi bravely pull up chairs and attempt to talk to Ryo.

Koyama pulls out his phone and debates who to call. This is a job that needs more than just News, but he has to be careful who he includes. His first thought is to call Murakami, but he doesn’t want all of Kanjani8 rushing to Tokyo to castrate Shige, so he does the next best thing.

He calls Uchi.

He spares Uchi the details and just tells him to get his butt to the studio, now. He’s lucky Uchi is in Tokyo for the next two weeks auditioning for dramas.

Yamapi makes sure not to mention Shige or the revelations he just witnessed. He talks about going out with Jin last night and how Jin drunk-dialed Kame, who was most definitely not amused. He retells the story of how Toda Erika tripped on one of the camera cables on set yesterday and ended up taking Yui down with her.

While Yamapi talks, Tegoshi leans his head on Ryo’s shoulder and hums the chorus’ of Summer Time and Bambina (He’s not actually sure if Bambina is an appropriate choice, but he really likes that song and his voice sounded really good in it!).

Massu returns with a Boss Silky Black canned coffee. He opens it and gently presses it gently against the back of Ryo’s wrist. Ryo looks up and takes the coffee, shooting Massu a grateful look.

Koyama joins them after a minute and they exchange goofy stories while Ryo listens and sips his drink quietly. When Uchi arrives, he smacks Ryo on the back of the head for the horrible timing of his confession—which Uchi had been slowly working with him on—and then promptly gather’s him in his arms.

“You know this isn’t the end of it, right?” Uchi says fiercely. “If anyone is more stubborn than stupid Shige, it’s you.”

Koyama watches the two of them for a moment and feels relieved. Uchi can take care of Ryo. As much as Koyama loves all of the members of News, Shige has been his best friend for a really long time, will always be his best friend. He knows Shige needs him more than Ryo does.

As if sensing his thoughts, Ryo straightens and pulls away from Uchi to look at Koyama. “Go on,” he says roughly. “If he keeps being stupid he might get hit by a car or something.”

Koyama nods and heads out for Shige’s apartment.

Ryo watches him leave and then slumps back into his chair. “Ugh, I’m acting like a girl,” he snorts. “Or maybe just Uchi,” he adds with a sly smirk.

Uchi scowls. “Better watch it. Do you want my help or not?”

Tegoshi beams. “Let’s all help! Shige likes Ryo-tan, ne? He just thinks too much.”

“But what can we do?” Massu asks.

“A lobotomy?” Uchi asks cheerfully and is smacked by Ryo. “Geez, I’m joking!”

“We should show our support for Ryo and Shige!” Yamapi interjects. “Shige can’t skip work, so when we’re working we can make sure they sit together, give them time alone, and make sure Shige knows he isn’t causing any problems for the group. That is one thing he mentioned.”

“Was Shige in an abusive relationship?” Tegoshi suddenly asks.

Ryo is a little taken aback. He hasn’t told anyone about Shige’s ex-boyfriend, and he knows Shige hasn’t spoken to anyone, except for maybe Koyama, but he isn’t even sure on that.

Tegoshi sighs when he sees everyone’s bewildered faces. “Hello? I’m a Psych major…Shige had a boyfriend who Kei-chan didn’t like, and how often does Kei-chan dislike someone? Then Shige became more insecure than ever. He suddenly and mysteriously had no boyfriend, and Ryo-tan got a black eye. After that, Ryo-tan and Shige got really close. You rescued him, ne Ryo-tan?”

Ryo sighs and nods, even though technically Shige punched out the guy, so he really didn’t do much.

“Then,” Tegoshi continues, “that means Shige is making a lot of excuses because he does not want to get hurt again. He probably feels like he’s doing Ryo a favor by shutting him away before he can see Shige’s flaws.”

Massu sighs softly. “Poor Shige.”

Ryo stands and clenches his fists. “That idiot!”

“Koyama will do his best to help Shige,” Uchi says and puts his hand on Ryo’s shoulder. “And we’ll all do our best to help you. That means you’ll have six people hell-bent on changing his mind. There’s no way he’ll last.”

Ryo really hopes Uchi is right.


	11. The first step is the hardest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Shige is curled up on his bed with his comforter over his head when Koyama reaches his apartment. Pocketing his spare key, he perches on the edge of Shige’s mattress and lays a hand on the lump that is his best friend.

“Geshi? Want to come out?”

“No,” comes Shige’s muffled reply.

Koyama leans back and stretches out so he’s facing Shige from behind. He drapes his right arm around where Shige’s waist should be and leans his head against Shige’s. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Thirsty?”

“No.”

Koyama sighs and holds Shige a little tighter. “If you don’t come out, you’ll suffocate.”

“Good.”

“Don’t say that. Things aren’t as bad as you think.”

Shige snorts. “Of course they are. Didn’t you watch the whole spectacle?”

Softly, Koyama swats at Shige through the covers. “Stop being negative. When it comes to these things, I’m smarter than you.”

Shige pushes the covers down and twists his head to glare at Koyama. “Kei,” he whines, “can’t you just let me wallow?”

Shaking his head, Koyama pulls Shige’s glasses from his face and sets them on the night stand. “Of course not.” He pushes the sheets down and slides under them next to Shige, finding Shige’s hand and interlacing their fingers. “Unless you let me wallow with you. No wallowing alone.”

Shige smiles faintly. “Sap.”

“Haha, I guess I am.” Koyama sighs. “Geshi…I want you to tell me about Makoto. I know I said I wouldn’t push, but I feel like it’s hurting you the more you keep it inside.”

Shige’s hand squeezes tighter. “He...” he starts, but the words get stuck in his throat. He sighs and closes his eyes. If he can’t see Koyama, can’t see Kei’s face when Kei realizes how weak he really is, he thinks it will be easier. “He hit me Kei,” Shige whispers. “The first time I thought it was fine, you know, since guys hitting each other isn’t really a big deal. It happens. The second time I hit him back and he apologized, so I let it go. I’m not so weak that I can’t take a few hits, and it really didn’t happen that often, but after a while I couldn’t stand up for myself and I didn’t know why.” He pauses and licks his dry lips. “Worse than the hits, he would tell me what a loser I was, how I should be grateful because no one would want to be with such a talentless idol like me. Remember when I cut my hair? Nishikido-kun just wouldn’t shut up about it; I thought I was going to go crazy if he told me to cut it one more time. I was actually kind of grateful to him because after it was cut I actually liked the way I looked. But it seemed to infuriate Makoto even more.”

Shige feels Kei’s hands lightly running through his hair and cautiously opens his eyes. Koyama looks upset, but there is no derision or judgment in his eyes, and Shige relaxes a little. “Part of me knows that all the things he said to me were untrue or exaggerations, but even still I can’t help but believe his words. I’m _not_ really talented. I’m not a bad singer, but I’m not great either. I don’t have the pretty face or toned body. No matter how much I practice, I still come off a little awkward in my dancing. And really, how much longer do I have in the industry before Johnny decides I’m just not worth it?”

Koyama feels his heart break into hundreds of little Shige-shaped shards as the words pour out of Shige’s mouth. He panics a little inside because he doesn’t really know how to fix this. All he can do is grab Shige in a rough embrace. “Shige, Shige,” he murmurs. “You were put into News for a _reason_. Think of the hundreds of boys who audition and fail. You passed because you have that something inside of you that makes you an idol. You weren’t put in News just to keep the three K’s of KKKity together. Johnny would have had no problem leaving you behind to probably end up in Kis My Ft, or something.”

He pulls away to drag Shige to the mirror on the closet door. He stands behind Shige and points to his reflection. “Look at yourself. You’re not ugly, Shige. You don’t need a pretty face because your face is perfect as it is.” He pulls up Shige’s shirt. “You’re not as built as Massu or Yamapi, but you’re definitely toned.

“Most importantly, don’t forget that none of us in News are stupid. We all see something in you, Shige. You’re a reminder for Yamapi that he’s more than just an idol. You help him study and you never ask him to party or to give you advice. Instead, he can come to you for advice.  
You’re like an older brother to Tegoshi,” Kei continues. “You don’t let his attitude slide like we do. You keep him from becoming too self-centered and don’t let him get caught up in the whirlwind of stardom. He can always count on you to tell him off when he needs it.

“Massu likes that he can tease you and get away with it. He likes helping you dance and going shopping with you. He likes you because you don’t expect him to always have a smile and you don’t talk down to him.”

Shige’s eyes burn but he refuses to cry. Koyama meets his eyes through the mirror and rubs gently at his arms.

“Never forget that I’m your friend,” Koyama says. “I see you for who you are. I know you better than anyone, except for probably Shige-mama. I’ll always stick by you, ne? No matter what.”

Shige rubs at the water now spilling over his eyes. “Thank you, Kei,” he says softly. “I’m always here for you, too. No matter what.”

Koyama smiles and hugs Shige close. “I’m not done, you know. Do you know what you are to Ryo-chan?”

His whole body stiffening, Shige looks to the side and tries to ignore the sudden rushing in his ears.

“I can’t really speak for the depth of his feelings,” Koyama starts off, “but I think to Ryo-chan you are someone who sees him for who he is instead of what he is. He sees in you what he sees in the members of Kanjani8. You give as good as you get, and he likes that. He likes that he can take care of you, but that you’ll fight him every step of the way. He likes that you’re not perfect, because he can be himself around you and not feel pressured to keep up any acts. You also listen to him and take him seriously.”

Shige sighs. “I don’t want to talk about Nishikido-kun.”

“I know, which is why I’m about to shut up. But I want you to at least think about things. You’re hurting Ryo-chan as much as you’re hurting yourself. He is passionate in all the things he does, and that includes loving you. Just promise me that you’ll think about the things I’ve said. Makoto was wrong for hurting you, and you shouldn’t have his words in your head making you second guess everything. I want you to replace his words with mine.”

Shige rubs at his forehead. “I’ll try, Kei.” He sounds weary, like the old man everyone teases him to be. Koyama knows it’s time to change the subject.

“Ne, Shige, I’m hungry! Let’s get ramen. I’ll treat you!”

“You get it for free, idiot!” Shige laughs. Shige doesn’t realize how much better he feels until they’re chatting with Koyama’s mother and he notices he’s still smiling.  



	12. Many hands make light work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Over the next few days, it becomes obvious to Shige that forces larger than him are at work.

Day one after the ‘incident,’ Shige dreads going to work but knows he has to. He still has one more solo part to record for the new single, and in the afternoon they have to start learning the choreography for the upcoming Music Station performance.

He expects the members to be angry with him, or for the atmosphere to be tense, but as he walks in the door he’s greeted by an enthusiastic Massu with a box of Mister Donut donuts and a 100 watt smile. Ryo hasn’t arrived yet.

“Good morning Shige!” Massu chirps and puts a donut in his hand when he doesn’t immediately take one. “Let’s go shopping together after practice later, okay? Nishikido-kun told me my pants made him want to pour acid into his eyes, so I thought you could help me pick out something stylish.”

Somehow, Shige is not surprised that this is all Ryo’s fault. He nibbles on the donut and acquiesces to Massu’s request absently. Massu doesn’t seem to be bothered at all by yesterday’s events. Tegoshi and Koyama arrive around the same time, and Tegoshi immediately demands Shige’s help explaining something about criminal law for his criminal psychology test the next day. Shige’s guard drops a little more, and Ryo is still not there.

Yamapi is the next to arrive, surprisingly. He nicks one of the donuts Massu has been steadily supplying Shige with and gives him a thumbs up. “Yo, Shige! Let’s work hard today, okay?” Yamapi opens his economy text but he makes a face and closes it right away. Shige laughs as Yamapi chooses to text message him from across the room.  
 _  
Ne, Shige, don’t worry too much today. We’re recording a fun song, so we should all have fun thoughts._

Shige texts back:  
 _  
You should worry more, leader. You have a test in two days!_

By the time Ryo walks in, Shige is almost relaxed. He averts his eyes away from the door (he was not watching it, thank you) and waits for something to happen.

“Oi, Massu!” Ryo barks. “I told you to save me a donut!”

Massu smiles. “Ah, but I thought Shige looked like he needed a few, so I gave them to him.”

Shige scowls at Massu, the traitor. He cringes when Ryo walks straight for him and holds his breath. He is more than surprised when Nishikido flicks his forehead. “Ow, what was that for?!”

“You ate my donut!”

“I didn’t know it was yours! Why didn’t you hit Massu?”

“You’re the one that ate it. You should buy me donuts tomorrow.”

Shige’s eyes are wide as he stares in complete confusion. _What the hell?! What the hell?!_ He screams in his head. He doesn’t understand this situation. Shouldn’t Ryo be angry, or upset, or ignoring him, or something instead of his usual snarky self?

Seeing Shige’s deer in headlights look, Ryo gently smoothes his thumb across Shige’s forehead. “You’re thinking too much,” he says and walks over to make fun of Yamapi’s Code Blue hair for the hundredth time.

Needless to say, Shige is very much confused.

Day two is worse because he isn’t as shocked by Ryo’s relatively pleasant attitude. Instead it makes his heart clench painfully with every touch and every glance. His eyes water a little every time Tegoshi leans against him or when Massu offers to share his bento when Shige arrives at rehearsal after his morning class, since he knows Shige likes omurice. He hears Koyama’s words from the other day like a whisper behind his ear.

He has to dance back to back with Ryo for one verse of their song and they learn this part quickly. Ryo scolds him a few times for tripping up, but brings him a bottle of water when they take a break. Shige hears Ryo’s _‘I’m falling in love with you, bastard’_ on repeat inside his head every time their eyes meet.

Yamapi takes him out to dinner that night and tells him that if he wants to date Ryo, he has everyone’s blessing.

Shige drops his chopsticks and doesn’t look up from his dinner.

“If it’s love,” Yamapi says softly, “why should we stop it?”

He thinks about those words the entire way home and hears them echoed in his dreams.

Day three starts off bright, early, and terrifying as Uchi shows up before their rehearsal. Shige is sure, when he sees Uchi walk in the door, that this spells certain doom for him. Surely Ryo’s best friend would not be happy with him, and Uchi has never, ever passed an opportunity to mess with Shige.

So as Uchi bypasses Ryo completely and drapes an arm across his shoulders, Shige is understandably nervous.

But Uchi just grins. “Shiggy-chan!”

Immediately Shige scowls. “You got that from Koyama.”

“You could be happy to see me, you know,” Uchi laughs, and Shige is somehow not relieved.

“Why are you here?”

Uchi rolls his eyes. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m here to inspect you.”

Shige sputters. “Inspect me?”

“Yes,” Uchi nods, serious. “To make sure you’re fit for Ryo-chan.”

Suddenly, Shige feels all the eyes in the room on him. Or rather on Uchi. Everyone watches as Uchi slowly circles the law student, hand on his chin with a rather exaggerated ‘thinking’ face. Koyama is a little afraid that maybe Uchi didn’t quite understand how much Shige’s insecurities are in play here.

After a thorough look-see of Shige, Uchi lays a surprisingly gentle hand on Shige’s shoulder and stares into his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” he says softly. “You’re more than good enough for Ryo-chan. Everything you have in here,” he points to Shige’s heart, “is what matters. And I know you love Ryo-chan like he loves you. Don’t be stubborn for too long!”

And then he bounces over to coo at Ryo, who shoves him half-heartedly.

Shige feels strangely elated, and he even sends a smile to Ryo after practice is over.

On day four he has class and he can’t go to rehearsals. Instead, he receives messages from the members throughout the day. He has never felt this cared for and he doesn’t quite know how to handle it. He also feels incredibly annoyed that they all seemed to mention Ryo in some way or another.

_From: Koyama_

_Study hard, Shige! Ryo-chan’s really grumpy without you today. I think I’ll take him out for ramen tonight to cheer him up! You’re thinking ‘shut up, kei!’ right now, ne? Haha, see you tomorrow. =^^=_

_From: Tegoshi_

_Shige! Shige! Shige! Shige! Ryo-tan wouldn’t let me call you when I found out, but I aced that test yesterday that you helped me study for! Shige’s the best!_

_From: Yamashita_

_Thanks for eating with me the other night! Don’t think too hard and fail a quiz. Ryo-chan would blame me and hate me forever. \\(*A*)/_

_From: Massu_

_Guess what! Nishikido-kun told me I had no style, and when I mentioned that you helped me pick out this outfit he said, “Of course, that explains why it’s so much worse than usual.” That is just like him, right?_

After his last class—in which he spent the majority of it spacing out and fuming over Massu’s message—he gets one from Ryo.

_Don’t look now, but is that a sexy man from Osaka waiting for you by the front gate?_

Startled he snaps his head toward the gate and sees Ryo leaning casually against the brick wall, wearing a beanie that makes his ears stick out and a pair of sunglasses so large they almost cover his whole face. He walks toward the gate wishing he had taken the south exit instead. Shige stops in front of Ryo and waits.

“Look,” Ryo begins. “I don’t want you to think that you’re being pushed into anything—”

 _Too late_ , Shige groans to himself, thinking of all the messages he received.

“—but I wanted to talk to you without the others around.”

Shige nods. “Okay.”

“Walk with me,” Ryo demands, and walks off knowing Shige will follow him.

Shige scowls, but he does follow. They walk in silence until they reach a secluded park about 10 minutes away before Ryo finally speaks.

“No matter what you say or do, I’m not going to give up,” he says, and glares through his glasses at Shige. It’s completely inappropriate, but Shige laughs. Ryo’s ears are sticking out and a tuft of hair is poking out on one side of his beanie. The glasses make him look bug-eyed.

“Hey! What are you laughing at, stupid?”

Shige wipes away the tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes and reaches forward to fix Ryo’s beanie so his hair doesn’t stick out. He runs his fingers over Ryo’s ears and down his neck. Being this close to Ryo again is intoxicating. It’s amazing how little it takes to make him addicted to Ryo’s presence.

Ryo sighs and presses his forehead against Shige’s. “Shige,” he breathes and the younger man shivers. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to tell you what I feel?”

Shige closes his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.” Ryo’s hands rest warm on his waist and he relishes the feeling. He curls his fingers into the collar of Ryo’s shirt.

“It’ll be okay,” Ryo says. “I can out wait your stubborn any day.” He grins.

Shige’s lips quirk. “That’s only because you’re twice as stubborn as I am.”

“Shige,” Ryo breathes again, in that husky, low tone. Shige swallows thickly. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

Ryo’s lips are warm and slightly chapped. It’s a chaste pressing of the lips but Shige feels himself drowning. He holds on tighter to Ryo’s shirt and presses closer, craving more contact, more emotion. This is exactly what he’s wanted.

When they pull away Shige licks his lips and tastes Ryo. His mind is slow to catch up with his body, but once it does he lets go of Ryo and steps back. His hands are shaking.

“Shige—” Ryo starts, but Shige is already gone.


	13. News travels fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

As soon as Shige reaches the safety of his apartment he strips and runs a really hot bath. His hands are still trembling and his thoughts are a complete mess. He showers quickly and slips into the tub, sinking until the water reaches just under his nose.

The phone rings.

Shige glares at the door but doesn’t move. He is not giving up his relaxation time for anyone. He closes his eyes when the sound quits and he lets out a sigh. He can see Ryo’s face behind his eyelids. He can remember the feel of Ryo’s skin under his fingers, Ryo’s breath on his cheek, Ryo’s lips on his.

The phone rings again.

“I’m not here!” he yells uselessly, creating little bubbles in the bath water.

After four more calls, Shige growls and gets out, wrapping a towel around his waist and viciously stabbing the talk button on his phone.

“What?!” He yells.  
 _  
“Surely that’s not how you greet a friend, Shige!!”_

“Kusano?!”  
 _  
“Don’t sound so surprised. Why haven’t you called me yet? You suck at keeping in touch.”_

Shige glances at the clock. “It’s 4:30 here…doesn’t that make it 3:30am in New York? Why are you calling so late?”  
 _  
“Why do you think? How come I had to hear from Kei-chan about you and Nishikido?”_

Shige groans. Why do these things always happen to him? Kusano is in _New York_ , an entirely different city on an entirely different continent, but he’s still getting scolded. “It’s none of your business!”

Kusano snorts. _“Of course it is! Besides, you should have called me from the beginning so I could help you out. You’re hopeless when it comes to relationships.”_

“Yeah, I know,” Shige says quietly.  
 _  
“Shige, Kei-chan told me about what happened with Makoto.”_

It’s the first time Shige has ever heard his friend’s voice so soft. He’s not surprised that Koyama would tell Kusano, so he’s not really upset or anything. He sighs. “Do you have a pep talk for me, too?”  
 _  
“Haha, no. That’s Kei-chan’s thing. I’m not so good at it. But I have a question.”_

“Yeah?” __

_“What would you do if they took Nishikido-kun out of News?”_

Shige blinks. “W-what? I’ve never thought about it.”  
 _  
“Really? If anyone were to be taken out, it would be him. He’s in two groups.”_

“That’s ridiculous,” Shige says, shaking his head even though Kusano can’t see him. “He’s too talented and all the fans love him. If anyone were the first to go it would be me.”

_“But if he requested it, he could probably get his way.”_

Falling to the couch, Shige clutches the phone tighter. “Why would he do that? He doesn’t admit it very often, but he loves News as much as the rest of us.” He doesn’t want to imagine News without Ryo. He thinks about what it would be like to come to work and see only four faces. He sees himself studying alone without a head in his lap, snapping at people without anyone to snap back. No one would boss him around or tease him to cut his hair, and no one would make him practice Kansai-ben as if it should be its own subject in school. He thinks of passing Ryo in the halls with barely a nod and he shudders, telling himself it will never happen.

_“He might if he were heartbroken.”_

“Where do you come off saying something like that?!” Shige growls. “He’s a professional; he wouldn’t let his own personal feelings affect his work. And it’s not like I’m trying to hurt him! He doesn’t need me, and it’s better for everyone in the long run if we stop this now.”

_“Shige, don’t be so self-sacrificing. Be selfish! Go after what you want! To hell with what anyone says or believes. If it makes you happy, just do it.”_

“I can’t,” he whispers, and hears Kusano sigh angrily.

_“Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should force him to let go of someone he loves and cherishes. Go ahead and do it. You’ll just keep being cowardly no matter what anyone says to you.”_

“Shut up!” Shige yells. “I’m not being cowardly!” Weak, his mind supplies, always so weak. Such a coward.

_“Then what, Shige? What reasons are you using to convince yourself that you’re not good enough for him?”_

Shige lets out a frustrated shout and leans back into the couch. “I don’t know, Hiro. I don’t know.” He recalls Ryo’s face looking content, even behind the obscuring sunglasses, with lips flushed red and curved in a hint of a smile. “I want him,” Shige admits, voice yearning and strong. “I want to be with him. I want it so badly.” His words echo in the quiet of his apartment.

On the other side of the globe, Kusano’s heart aches for his friend.

“Then do it,” Kusano says into the phone softly. “Be with him.”


	14. Honesty is the best policy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

When Shige sees Ryo at rehearsal the next day, he has to fight with himself to stay where he is. It feels like Kusano’s words are inside of him and trying to beat out of his chest, and all he wants to do is rush over and wrap his arms around Ryo to make sure he isn’t going anywhere.

During practice he can’t help himself but lean a little closer, touch a little longer. He ends up off beat quite a few times, and he doesn’t say a word (for once) as Ryo pesters him about it because he’s too focused on imprinting the smooth quality of Ryo’s voice in his memory.

There’s a somewhat awkward moment between the two of them when Shige’s lack of attention causes him to misstep so that he ends up bumping heads painfully with Ryo. They’re almost as close as they were the day before, and when Shige rubs at his forehead his hand brushes against Ryo’s. Shige feels the tension between them acutely, and they only spring apart when their dance instructor throws up frustrated hands and berates Shige again for his clumsiness.

They all eat bento lunches together in the rehearsal room, cooling their backs against the mirrors. Shige watches Ryo from the corner of his eye as he laughs about something Yamapi said. It hits Shige suddenly that even though Ryo has been acting relatively unaffected, all of his actions have almost a forced quality to them. He sees now the slight smudges under his eyes, takes in the tense posture of his shoulders. He yawns five times during lunch and Shige wonders if Ryo’s been sleeping well. He feels like the worst person in the world.

Ryo notices something is off with Shige as soon as he walks into the rehearsal room that morning. At first he worries that maybe Shige was more upset by the previous day than he thought, but when he notices that Shige actually seems to be making an effort to get _closer_ to him, he lets himself relax a little.

When Shige crashes into him during practice, Ryo feels the same atmosphere from the day before surrounding them and only just manages to stop himself from biting off the instructors head when the idiot decides to gripe at Shige again.

He relaxes a little at lunch, but that proves to be a mistake because he can hardly keep his eyes open. Even though Shige has never been to his apartment, it feels like something is missing, and all week he has tossed and turned and tried to ignore the oppressive air in his bedroom.

When they take their places to start practice again, Ryo is startled when he feels Shige’s fingers gently pressing against the back of his wrist for a brief moment. When he turns to stare at Shige, the law student is staring at the other wall and worrying his bottom lip.

Ryo grins widely and pushes Pi into Tegoshi before starting the routine again.

After practice, Ryo tries to catch Shige alone but he is out of the door before anyone can even say ‘otsukare.’ Miffed, he grabs his bag and stalks to the showers.

When he arrives at his apartment, he wants nothing more than to just drop into his bed and hopefully fall asleep. He nearly trips trying to get his shoes off and he doesn’t even bother to arrange them neatly, merely throwing them next the other pair already there.

“Tadaima,” he mumbles softly to himself and shuffles to his bedroom.

“Okaeri,” he hears to his left and spins around so fast he falls to the floor. He glares up at Shige, who is laughing wildly and clutching at his stomach.  
 _  
_“ _What is wrong with you?!_ ” Ryo yells and pulls himself up. “How did you get in? How did you even find out where my apartment is?”

Shige takes a deep breath and just shrugs, holding up Ryo’s spare key. “Really, Nishikido-kun, above the doorframe? Anyone could have found it.” He doesn’t mention that he had to bribe Uchi with free pet-sitting to get the address.

Ryo snatches it from him and sulks. “Yeah, well, it’s not like there’s anything important in here anyway. And don’t evade my question. Why are you here?”

Shige feels a sense of déjà-vu.

He points to the table in the living room, where there are take-out bowls of katsudon and miso soup. “I, well…I owe you for making me breakfast the other morning,” he says, and can’t meet Ryo’s eyes. He reaches for Ryo’s left hand and gently pulls him to the table.

“Take out?” Ryo teases. “What, no home-cooked meal? If I recall correctly, I made you everything with my own two hands.”

Shige scowls. “Yeah, well, I picked this up and paid for it with my own two hands. Just shut up and eat.”

Ryo laughs and keeps a hold of Shige’s hand. He interlaces their fingers and squeezes lightly. “Where did you get it from?”

“I went to the place Koyama took me to for lunch when you were in Osaka. Remember the day you mail-ordered him to stop me from studying? Anyway, all of their donburi is amazing.” Shige smiles at the memory and picks up his chopsticks, glad that he’s left handed so that he doesn’t have to let go of Ryo’s hand. It’s a little tricky to eat the soup, but he manages somehow.

When they’re about done with the meal, Ryo pulls his hand away from Shige to turn and face him fully. “Does this mean you’re done running away from me?” he asks.

Shige swallows and doesn’t say anything. His heart is beating hard and he feels that familiar urge to escape, but he stamps it down, repeatedly focusing on the words his friends have been trying to drill into his head.

“Shige,” Ryo growls, “I don’t want to play games anymore. I want you to give me a straight answer, right now.”

Shige wants to say yes, he’s done running, but he can’t get the words out. Every second he doesn’t say anything he can feel Ryo’s anger rising. He stands and paces a little. “I’m sorry,” he manages to say. “I know I’m being difficult. I just…”

Ryo’s arms slide around his waist from behind, halting his movements. He leans his chin on Shige’s shoulder. “You’re just scared,” Ryo finishes for him.

Shige nods, leaning back into Ryo’s arms. He can feel the tension sliding out of his body. He’s acutely aware of Ryo’s fingers on his waist and Ryo’s breath skimming his neck. There is still a part of him yelling about the dangers of this man, the impossibility of their relationship ever working out, but if he concentrates enough he can feel Ryo’s heartbeat, strong and steady at his back, and it drowns out that voice in his head.

“Don’t be scared,” Ryo whispers. “I told you everything will be all right, and I’ll make sure of it. I’m not going to hurt you Shige, ever. We will fight and bicker and I’ll steal the covers from you, but I won’t ever intentionally hurt you. I’m fiercely protective of the things I love, Shige, and that includes you.”

Shige doesn’t even fight back the tears that come to his eyes. He twists in Ryo’s arms and presses a kiss to his cheek. He breathes softly against the side of Ryo’s face, resting his forehead on Ryo’s temple. “I’m sorry that I’m so screwed up. I want to be with you more than anything, Ryo.” Shige reaches up and softly traces the circles under Ryo’s eyes. “Even though you drive me insane.” He smiles.

Ryo snorts. “Trust me, it’s mutual.”

Shige laughs and the sound is so amazing to Ryo that he leans forward to capture it. Shige presses closer and places his hands firmly behind Ryo’s neck. He can feel Ryo’s hands rubbing strong circles on his back and it creates a nice contrast to the softness of Ryo’s tongue in his mouth. He feels both grounded and light as air as they pull apart to breathe.

Shige escapes from Ryo’s embrace to pick up their trash and throw it away. Ryo stares at him incredulously.

“You’re _cleaning?!_ ”

Shige comes back, grinning, and tugs on Ryo’s hand. “Well I thought if we left it out all night it might make your apartment smell.”

Ryo blinks. “All night?”

Shige pulls him along until they are outside of Ryo’s bedroom.

Ryo smirks and follows Shige inside. He fingers the hem of Shige’s shirt and laughs.

“What?” Shige snaps.

“I was right. This shirt does look better on you while I’m taking it off,” he replies, and Shige hits him.


	15. In for a penny, in for a pound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Ryo wakes the next morning and hisses when the sun peeking through the blinds hits his eyes. He buries his head in Shige’s neck, absently kissing the base of his throat. He doesn’t try to go back to sleep, rather he runs his fingers lightly along Shige’s side, tracing his hip bone, exploring a path from waist to shoulder.

Shige stirs under his ministrations and Ryo smiles against his skin. “Morning,” he whispers quietly and laughs when Shige’s nose scrunches.

“Ugh…what time is it?”

“Too damn early.”

“I have class,” Shige mumbles.

“It’s Sunday. You’re mine.” His fingers grasp Shige’s side firmly. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Shige sighs and pushes his leg between Ryo’s, scooting closer. “Okay.” He relaxes into Ryo and smiles. “Hey, you didn’t steal the blankets.”

Ryo smirks. “Well, you kept me pretty warm last night.”

Shige groans and pinches Ryo’s arm. Ryo retaliates by rolling over and pinning Shige to the bed. Shige squirms under him futilely and glares. “Maybe I shouldn’t have fed you fried food last night, you’re heavy! Get off.”

“I am not fat,” Ryo says, offended. “You’re just scrawny.”

Shige growls. “I am not! I work out!”

Ryo laughs and leans in to kiss Shige’s pout away. Shige doesn’t hesitate to respond and it’s so good, so right. Shige’s arms travel slowly from Ryo’s navel to tangle in the hair at the base of Ryo’s neck. Ryo shivers and pushes a little more insistently at Shige’s lips.

When Ryo pulls away they’re both a little out of breath. “Ryo,” Shige says lowly, eyes half lidded and smile lazy, “as enjoyable as this is…your morning breath is horrible.”

Ryo scowls. “It’s not like yours is much better,” he grouches, but he rolls off of Shige (very reluctantly, mind you) and stands.

Shige watches as Ryo stretches and heads to the bathroom, completely free of embarrassment at walking around in the nude. Shige envies that kind of confidence. Wrapping Ryo’s comforter around his waist—he’s still shy, even though Ryo’s not there to see him and has already seen it all anyway—Shige leans over the side of the bed and searches for his clothes.

He has a brief moment of panic as he dresses, when he thinks of just how much things might change now. He worries about what his parents will say, what Ryo’s parents will say. He doesn’t even want to think about what will happen if their relationship gets out to the press, which of course leads him to imagine what would happen if News suffered the consequences of their actions.

He’s only pulled out of his thoughts when a hand smacks the back of his head.

“Ow, what’s your problem?” He gripes, rubbing the back of his head.

“You already told me you wanted to be with me, so you’re not allowed to back out,” Ryo says, and grins.

“I wasn’t going to!”

“Well, you were thinking too much again. You’re not sexy when you wallow.”

Shige huffs. “Just get dressed, will you?”

Ryo smirks. “What, you don’t like the view?” He hits a pose.

Shige rubs his forehead. “Being lazy isn’t good. I should go home and study or something.”

Ryo frowns at him as he searches for clean underwear. “No. You’re staying here.”

Shige rolls his eyes but doesn’t bother to argue, he knows Ryo will just badger him until he gets his way. He walks into the bathroom to clean up instead. He washes his face and contemplates whether he should go all day with a nasty mouth or use Ryo’s toothbrush.

Ryo walks into the doorway, dressed in jeans but still sans shirt, and leans against the frame just as Shige is rinsing toothpaste foam out of his mouth. The blue froth is sticking in the corners of his lips, and he has a bit on his chin. Ryo feels like a sap, but more than anything they did last night, watching such a commonplace scene makes his heart swell. He knows falling for Shige was no mistake, could probably have been one of the smartest things he’s ever done. “Move in with me,” he says suddenly.

Shige inhales sharply, but he chokes because it’s a bad idea to gasp with a mouth full of foam. He coughs and rinses his mouth, glaring at Ryo when he tries to help by pounding strongly on Shige’s back. “Excuse me?!”

“Move in with me,” Ryo repeats.

“…Isn’t that a little fast?!” Shige freaks, not sure what to make of this.

Ryo shrugs. “Come on, it’s not like we don’t know each other, and my place is so much better than yours. That way I don’t have to drive so far to see you.”

“I just agreed to be with you last night.”

“And?”

Shige groans and throws a towel at him. What is Ryo thinking? That is such a big step; what if they break up? And that would mean letting his parents know even sooner, since Shige is pretty sure his mother would _never_ let him move into someone’s apartment without full explanation. She only just let him get his own apartment. The press could see them there together, or the neighbors might find out and let something slip. Not to mention that Ryo’s _real_ home isn’t even Tokyo.

Ryo’s cold hands on his cheeks bring him back to earth. “Oi, don’t freak out,” Ryo says. “Just think about it, okay? You don’t have to agree right now. Though I don’t see what else there is to think about.”

“You are insane, you know that?”

“Doesn’t that make you just as crazy for falling for me?”

“Ryo, this is really not a good idea.”

“Just consider it.”

“Fine,” Shige says and sighs, because he _always_ ends up giving in to Ryo. “But don’t get your hopes up.” The he smiles because even though the idea makes him want to have a panic attack, he’s a little amazed at how much of a romantic Ryo really is. It’s cute, and kind of sweet, and he’d probably have a fit if Shige ever told him that.

Ryo knows he’s won as soon as Shige smiles. Shige just doesn’t know it yet. ****


	16. All work and no play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

After spending an amazing, lazy, completely unproductive day off with Shige, Ryo finds he can’t seem to get enough of the other’s presence. It doesn’t help that Shige virtually ignores him for a few days to begin studying for his final which is in _three weeks_. He thinks that if Shige just gave in and moved in with him, at least he’d be able to see him while he studied.

They perform on _Hey! Hey! Hey!_ later that week, and as they sit for the talk and interview session, Ryo can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. He’s bored and he doesn’t really want to be there, and Shige is sitting in the row above him so his feet are _right by_ Ryo’s hands. It’s not his fault that Shige’s ankles are so sensitive. He makes Shige jump five times and no one notices.

Shige is, of course, not happy with him afterwards.

“Don’t be so uptight. I was just having a little fun. No one noticed,” Ryo justifies.

“No, no one _said anything_. That doesn’t mean no one noticed,” Shige corrects him.

Ryo sighs. “You’re so boring.”

“And you’re an idiot.”

Shige is still mad at him when they eat dinner, still mad when they watch a movie together on Ryo’s couch, still mad when they climb into Ryo’s bed. At least, he says he is. Ryo doesn’t quite believe him.

However for the next week after that, Shige makes it a point to stay as far from Ryo as possible during work. They have a few more television appearances, but he makes sure there are plenty of people sitting between them. Ryo’s patience begins to disintegrate.

It completely snaps one day as they wait for practice to begin.

Ryo comes into the room and is met with the sight of Shige buried in books again. He greets Shige with a mumbled, “Good morning,” and sits next to him on the couch. He doesn’t want to disturb Shige, but he’s not feeling really well and he has a bit of a headache, so he leans his head on Shige’s shoulder.

Shige pushes him away with an irritated sound. Ryo frowns and tries again, but the same thing happens. Suddenly angry, Ryo reaches out, slams Shige’s books shut and glares.

“What?” Shige snaps.

“Now I can’t even sit next to you?” Ryo gripes.

“Not if you’re going to keep interrupting me!”

“I wasn’t interrupting you!” Ryo yells. “You’ve been ignoring me since last Thursday.”

“I have not!” Shige yells back. “I have to _study_. I have a final coming up. I know you don’t understand what that’s like, but it’s really important!”

Ryo clenches his fists and jumps to his feet. “Just because I’m not some genius law student like you doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I know finals are important for you. But it’s not just studying! You’ve eaten with me _twice_. You don’t even let me touch you anymore.” To make his point he reaches for Shige’s hand.

Shige draws back, glancing to the others on the other side of the room.

“See?! What, are you embarrassed? Everyone knows about us, you idiot.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me just because I don’t want to flaunt our relationship in public,” Shige replies, standing to face Ryo on a more even level.

Scowling, Ryo reaches again and grabs Shige’s hand, not letting go. “This isn’t public! They’re friends, our band mates. There’s no reason to be freaking out like this.”

Shige glares and tries to snatch his hand back, but Ryo holds on tight. “I’m not freaking out, I’m being perfectly reasonable. You just can’t stand it if I don’t pay attention to you every minute of every day.”

“You know what, fine!” Ryo snarls. “Continue being stupid. You agreed to be with me, Shige, but this half-hearted crap won’t cut it. You can’t just turn off my feelings whenever you feel like it.”

He storms out.

Shige growls and sits back, ripping open his books and forcing his eyes to focus on the page in front of him, but he can’t seem to make out the words because of the water swimming in his vision.

Ryo comes back about an hour later, half an hour after practice starts. He doesn’t say a word to Shige, doesn’t even look at him, and Shige wants to hit himself for his own stupidity.

During their break Shige finds Ryo on his couch with his head leaning back, eyes closed. He looks exhausted and frustrated. Hesitantly, Shige moves to sit next to him, relaxing a little when Ryo doesn’t move or say anything. “I’m sorry,” Shige says quietly. He puts a hand on Ryo’s head and guides it down to his lap.

Ryo sighs and turns over, burying his face in Shige’s stomach. “You’re stupid.”

Shige laughs as Ryo’s breath tickles him. “Yeah.” He runs his fingers gently through Ryo’s hair. “You were right, about me being half-hearted. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was holding back so much.”

Ryo curls his fingers in Shige’s pant leg.

“And,” Shige continues, blushing slightly. “I…I don’t want to turn your feelings off. I like your feelings. I mean, you know, the ones for me. And well, all of your feelings, I guess. I mean…”

“Shige, shut up.”


	17. As you make your bed, so you must lie in it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

****The next time Ryo goes to Osaka, Shige starts to think that maybe he _should_ move in with Ryo

He sees Ryo off at the train station, goes home, and studies until he feels his eyes are going to fall out. He goes to bed ready to collapse, but as soon as he hits the sheets he feels wide awake. He tosses for a few hours before he gets up and drives to Ryo’s apartment.

He lets himself in with the key Ryo slipped onto his keychain two weeks ago, and makes himself comfortable in Ryo’s bedroom, wrapping the covers around him like a cocoon. He’s asleep within minutes.

Shige is well rested and well prepared, so he breezes through his final the next day and comes home in a great mood. He calls Koyama over to celebrate and play a few video games, heats up a meal Ryo prepared for him before he left—“I don’t know how you didn’t starve to death on that crap you call cooking,” Ryo had said and shoved him out of the kitchen—and waits for Kei to come over.

An hour later, Koyama calls sounding confused.

 _“Shige, where are you?”_ he asks.

Shige furrows his brow and looks around. “Well, I’m at home. Where are you?”

_“…I’m at your apartment. I’ve been knocking for almost 20 minutes.”_

“What?! I haven’t heard anything…” Shige walks to the door and opens it, looks around, but Kei is nowhere in sight. “That’s impossible. You must have the wrong place.”  
 _  
“But I’ve been here so many times!”_ Kei cries.

“What’s the number on the door? You might have gotten 7B by mistake…”

_“I swear it says 7A, Shige.”_

Bewildered Shige checks his own door and drops the phone.  
 _  
“Shige? Shige, are you still there? Shige…”_

He hits his forehead on the door and groans. Picking up the phone, he goes back inside and suffers Koyama’s laughter as he explains that he kind of accidentally referred to Ryo’s apartment as home. He tries not to think too hard about it.

He goes back to his apartment after Koyama leaves, but again he can’t seem to fall asleep. Annoyed, he stubbornly stays in bed instead of heading to Ryo’s. He counts sheep, drinks some warm milk (which he thinks is disgusting), puts on a mellow CD, and even tries talking to his toes (which really just made him feel stupid and not like sleeping at all).

He finally falls asleep on the couch just before dawn, television programs playing softly in the background. He sleeps late but feels horrible when he wakes.

It takes two more nights of restless, if any, sleep and grumpy days at work before he gives in and starts driving to Ryo’s apartment to sleep every night. Then he decides gas prices aren’t worth it and he doesn’t bother to go home.

Shige doesn’t realize until a few days later that he never packed a bag. A little unsettled, he walks around the apartment and starts to notice things. His toothbrush sits in a cup right next to Ryo’s. His clothes take up half of Ryo’s closet. His guitar sits by Ryo’s in the living room from when they practiced together before Ryo left. Half of his DVD collection has been moved onto Ryo’s shelves from numerous movie nights spent together on the couch.

Nana barks at him happily from the corner.

Shige flops on the couch and covers his eyes with his arm. It’s not a question anymore of whether or not he should move in with Ryo. He already has.

“Amazing,” Shige whispers. “He’s not even here and he gets his way.”

Blindly, he reaches for his phone and dials Koyama’s number.

 _“Shige!”_ Koyama greets happily.

“I need a favor, Kei,” he says. “Can you help me move the rest of my stuff into Ryo’s apartment?”

When Ryo comes back from Osaka and walks in to find Shige’s photos on the tables, Shige’s books stacked at Shige’s desk that was formerly at Shige’s apartment, he grins widely and tackles Shige on the couch, laughing. Shige throws the remote at him and refuses to say a word. Ryo just kisses him sloppily, unable to stop smiling, and eventually Shige smiles as well.

“So,” Ryo says into Shige’s ear, “when should we have the housewarming party?”

Shige blanches. “Never. Absolutely not. Just…no.”

Ryo nips Shige’s earlobe playfully. “But we should celebrate that you finally came to your senses!”

“You are such a brat,” Shige says, rolling his eyes.

“Good, so…next Wednesday?” Ryo replies, laughing.

“NO!” **  
**


	18. You can't make an omelette without breaking any eggs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Living with Ryo is actually pretty easy, all things considered. Ryo still steals the blankets sometimes, but if Shige spoons with him it is less likely to occur. Ryo does the cooking, out of concern for the safety of his kitchen, and Shige does the washing. They have a few arguments over the arrangement of the furniture and the use of closet space, but things get worked out relatively quickly.

Shige even gets used to seeing Ryo walk around nude in the mornings.

However, Shige has yet to tell his parents about his move, and he really doesn’t want to. He isn’t very worried about his mother, but more than anything he doesn’t want to disappoint his father. He can’t imagine what would happen if his father found out his only son was living and sleeping with another man.  

Shige decides it would probably be best to lie.

Unfortunately for Shige, when his mother finally calls demanding a visit, he’s in the bath and Ryo is the one who answers. She exclaims in excitement when she finds out she’s talking to ‘that cute Nishikido boy’ and proceeds to invite him over for dinner that weekend.

Shige walks out in his towel just as Ryo is hanging up his phone. “Were you just talking on my phone?” he asks, suspicious.

Ryo grins, and Shige knows nothing good is about to be said. “Cancel your plans with Koyama for this Saturday.”

“Why?”

“We’re going to visit someone in Saitama.”

Shige feels a cold dread in his stomach. “…Ryo, please, _please_ tell me we’re not going to see my parents. Please tell me you were not just talking with my mother.”

“I wasn’t talking to your mother,” Ryo says, but he laughs too hard for Shige to believe him.

“This isn’t funny!” Shige glares at him and sits on the couch, burying his head in his hands. “I’m not ready to deal with this. And…wait…why are you invited?!”

Ryo looks affronted. “Why wouldn’t I be? Your mother loves me.”

“She’s never met you. She just idolizes you.”

“Well, now she wants to meet me.” Ryo grins cheekily. “Besides, I told her we were living together and she seemed excited.”

Shige pales. “You…you told her what? Why…why would you tell her that? Oh God, now she’s going to tell my father, and then…oh, this is bad.”

Ryo shrugs and places a hand on Shige’s cheek to calm him. “What else was I supposed to say when I answered your phone for you?”

Shige glares. “You could have lied.”

“You need to tell them sometime.” Ryo scoots closer and presses a soft kiss against the corner of Shige’s lips. “Besides, even if they get upset, you’re their only child. They’re not likely to stay mad at you for long. And I’m here for you, remember?”

“Who are you? You’re too sweet to be Ryo. Ryo’s not good at comforting people.”

Ryo laughs. “Maybe it’s just you.”

Shige rolls his eyes, but he smiles. He stands and stretches a little, notices Ryo’s eyes following his movements, raking over his bare chest. He removes his towel with a smirk. Ryo’s eyes darken and he reaches for Shige, but before his hand can make contact Shige has wound the towel tightly and snapped it at him.

“What the hell, that hurt!” Ryo yells, jumping and rubbing at the sore spot on his thigh. Shige laughs and runs to the bedroom, Ryo close behind him.

The trip to his parents’ house passes way too quickly for Shige’s comfort. He feels like he’s just sat down and suddenly they’re on the doorstep, waiting to be let in. Shige fidgets with his shirt, dusts invisible lint off of his pants, and adjusts his glasses. After the fifth time of this cycle in less than 30 seconds, Ryo slaps his hand.

Shige’s mother is nearly beside herself with excitement when she answers the door. She gives her son a brief hug before pulling Ryo inside and chattering happily. She gives Ryo the best slippers, offers him something to drink and something to eat, and finally ushers both boys inside to the living room, where Shige’s father sits in front of a fan comfortably in shorts and a towel around his neck.

His parents grill him for a while about work and school, and then they move onto Ryo. They’re delighted when they find out he’s from Osaka, and the conversation descends into lots of Kansai-ben that has Shige sitting and feeling horribly out of place.

At one point Ryo slides his hand under the table and grasps Shige’s fingers once before letting go. Shige smiles slightly and relaxes a little.

When Shige’s mom gets up to get more drinks, Shige follows her into the kitchen, leaving Ryo and his father deep in conversation about ways to prevent hair loss.

“So,” Shige’s mother says as she pulls out a few cold beers from the refrigerator, “is there something you wanted to talk to me about? You never step foot in the kitchen unless you’re hungry or you want to talk.”

Shige ducks his head and nods a little. “Yeah…I don’t really know how to say it, though.”

Shige’s mother glances at the living room through the doorway. “Is it about Nishikido-kun?”

Shige nods.

“And why you’re living with him?”

Shige nods.

“Well?”

Shige swallows. “We’re…well…I mean…we’re sort of…together.” He closes his eyes and waits.

Soft hands push the hair away from his eyes and smooth away the creases between his eyes. “Do you love him?” he hears.

Stunned, he opens his eyes to see his mother’s earnest face staring back at him. He glances to the living room and sees Ryo laughing, slapping his leg and looking genuinely at ease talking to his father. He smiles a little. “Yeah,” he says softly. “I do.”

“Then that’s all that matters. You’re my only son. I don’t want to lose you,” his mother says.

“What…what about dad? What should I say to him?” Shige asks.

She laughs. “You should thank him. When I called and Nishikido-kun answered the phone, I suspected something and I wasn’t very happy about it. I really wanted grandchildren, you know.” She pauses to glare at him a little. “But your father told me that even if it were true, you’re still the most important thing to us. You know your father; he’s such a softie inside.”

Shige presses his palm to his eyes, the relief so strong he feels overwhelmed. He feels so incredibly lucky, and he doesn’t think he’s ever loved his parents more than at this moment. His mother merely places the drinks on a tray and waits for him to compose himself.

Together they walk back to the living room. Shige smiles brightly in return to Ryo’s concerned glance, and they pass the rest of the day in lighthearted banter and sharing of stories.

After their visit, Shige practically floats on air. Ryo goes back to Osaka for a few photo shoots and Shige keeps busy with News activities, but they manage to find some time to talk to each other.

One night, Ryo calls twice.

“Are you that desperate to talk to me?” Shige teases as he answers the phone.

 _“Sorry,”_ Ryo starts, and Shige is alarmed at the rough sound of his voice. _“I just wanted to hear your voice.”_

Shige sits up a little straighter at his desk, where he’d been idly surfing the internet. “What’s wrong?”

_“Nothing. Rough day. I think I’ll be coming back a day early. We’re running through the shoots quickly.”_

“Oh. You don’t want to stay the extra time with your family?”  
 __  
“…I think I’d rather see you,” Ryo laughs, but it sounds hollow. Shige worriedly glances at the clock, which reads 8:30. The last Shinkansen to Osaka runs at 9:20. If he leaves now, he can make it to the station in time.  
 __  
“Well, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. I’ll let you go.”

Ryo disconnects and Shige makes up his mind. He grabs his wallet, keys, and cell phone and heads to the station. The only work he has tomorrow is recording his radio show, and that’s not until late at night anyway.

He buys his ticket and right as the train pulls up he receives a text message.  
 _  
From: Ryo_

 _Kato-kun, this is Ohkura. I borrowed Ryo’s phone while he’s in the bath. He’s staying at my place tonight, but he wouldn’t tell me why he was here instead of at home. He doesn’t look so great. Is there any way you can make it to Osaka tonight?_  
  
Shige texts back and boards the train.

_I’m already on my way. I’ll be there at 11:45. How do I get to your place from the station?_

Ohkura replies, _I’ll pick you up._

After two agonizingly long hours, Shige is exiting the station and looking for Ohkura. He finds him leaning against the exit, messing with his phone idly.

“Um…Ohkura-kun,” Shige says, tapping him on the shoulder.

Ohkura grins. “Tacchon is fine. Or just Ohkura if you’re uncomfortable with that.” He starts walking and gestures Shige to follow. “I actually don’t live very far from here. My parents own a bunch of yakitori shops and we live above one of them.”

“Did you tell Ryo I was coming?”

Ohkura shakes his head. “I thought it would be better if you surprised him. When I left I told him I was hungry and that I wanted noodles, so he doesn’t suspect a thing.”

Shige blinks. “He believed you wanted noodles this late at night?”

Ohkura just grins wider. “I’m always hungry. Anyway, my parents are asleep and my brothers are with my grandparents, so don’t worry about anything.”

Ohkura guides him up the stairs to his home when they arrive and leaves him outside the room Ryo is staying in. Shige opens the door softly and finds Ryo curled up on his side, facing away from the door.

He closes the door behind him and pads over to lean by Ryo’s form. “Ryo, are you awake?”

Immediately, Ryo whips around to stare incredulously at Shige. “You’re…why…Osaka…what?”

Shige’s lips quirk. He’s never seen Ryo this flustered. “You sounded bad on the phone. Then Ohkura told me you seemed upset. I…well you’re always comforting me, so I thought I could maybe comfort you this time.”

Ryo sits up and stares at the floor. The moonlight shining through the window illuminates Ryo’s face and Shige sees a dark bruise forming on his cheek. He reaches out and traces it with his fingers lightly, heart clenching when Ryo winces. “What happened?”

“It was my brother,” Ryo says, not meeting Shige’s eyes. “I told my parents about us. My brothers overheard. My mom didn’t say anything, but my father…” Ryo clenches his fists so hard they begin to shake. “He said a lot. My brothers joined him. I yelled at them, but my oldest brother hit me. I hit him back, but then my father dragged me out and told me not to come back.” Ryo raises a shaky hand to wipe tiredly at his eyes, his whole body tense.

Shige reaches and pulls Ryo against him, one hand stroking his head and the other wrapped strongly around his waist. He rests his temple on the top of Ryo’s head and ignores the pain he feels when Ryo clutches at him strongly. He doesn’t know what to say so all he does is whisper “I’m here, I’m here,” over and over.

When Ryo cries he doesn’t sob, or heave, or gasp, or make any noise at all. The only way Shige knows he’s crying is when he feels the tears soaking his shirt. Shige has never felt angrier than at that moment, as he holds Ryo and watches the strongest person he knows break down. He feels horrible that he was so wrapped up in his own fears that he never realized Ryo was facing the exact same problems.

He continues holding Ryo until they both fall asleep. Ohkura smiles in approval when he checks on them in the morning.


	19. Can't win them all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

When Ohkura wakes them the following morning, his parents are already downstairs working, so they eat a small meal in relative peace. Shige watches Ryo carefully the entire time, at least until Ryo pokes him with chopsticks and tells him to stop being creepy.

Ohkura leaves them by themselves to get ready. Shige sits by the door as Ryo rummages in his bag for something to wear. “So,” Shige starts, “do you think you’re going to come home today after the shooting? This is your last one, right?”

Ryo nods. “Yeah…that’s probably a good idea. I should go and get some of my stuff, but…” He swallows, and Shige sees the hesitation in more than just his words, in the set of his shoulders and the reflection in his eyes. Unsettled, Shige moves over to Ryo and grabs his hand.

“You don’t have to do that now. You have more than enough stuff at home.”

Ryo shakes his head. “It’s not just clothes or books or anything, I have some important things I don’t want to leave.”

“…then I’ll go with you.”

Again, Ryo shakes his head. “You’ll only make them angrier. And I wouldn’t want you to get hurt because of me.” He squeezes Shige’s hand and brings it to his lips, softly kissing the back of Shige’s knuckles. “It means a lot that you came to Osaka for me. You don’t have to do anything else.”

“But that’s the point,” Shige sighs. “I don’t have to do anything, but I want to.”

Ryo stares silently at their clasped hands for what feels like a long time, absently running his thumb over Shige’s fingers. “Actually, I think it _would_ be best if I just went back to Tokyo. I don’t think they’ll throw out my things yet, no matter how much…no matter how much they hate me,” Ryo says finally.

“Do you want me to stay for your shoot and go back with you?” Shige asks, scooting closer to Ryo. He is taken by surprise when Ryo suddenly leans forward and captures his lips. He doesn’t fight it, just kisses Ryo back, winding his free hand into inky black hair. Ryo leans further into Shige and lets go of his hand to push his way under Shige’s shirt. His fingers splay teasingly on Shige’s abdomen, and he chuckles into Shige’s mouth when he feels the other man squirm.

Shige’s heartbeat starts to race when Ryo’s lips move onto his neck. He arches into Ryo’s touch and before he knows it he’s got his own hands skimming over Ryo’s shoulders and back.

“Ahem,” Ohkura coughs from the doorway.

Startled, Shige springs away from Ryo as fast as lightning, blush covering his face and traveling down his neck. Ryo just laughs, throwing a pillow at his friend.

“As adorable as you two are, I’d still appreciate it if you didn’t have sex in my brother’s room,” he laughs. “Besides, we need to leave now for the shoot.”

Ryo nods and stands, stretching. He switches shirts quickly before packing up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Thanks for letting me stay,” he says to Ohkura as they make their way downstairs.

“Are you ever going to tell me why you were here?”

Ryo shrugs and shifts his bag. “Maybe. Probably. You guys will force it out of me eventually.”

“True.”

Shige follows Ryo and Ohkura to the shoot location and finds a secluded spot to watch from. The make-up artist throws a fit when he sees Ryo’s bruise and spends the next hour simultaneously hiding it as best as possible and scolding Ryo for his carelessness. The tongue lashing loses its desired effect, however, as Maru stands behind him and mimics with exaggerated motions and expressions that make Ryo scowl in an effort not to laugh.

Shige likes seeing Ryo like this, with Kanjani8. It’s funny to watch him whine and joke and act stupid. It’s a nice contrast from the broken Ryo he held last night. The whole thing takes a little over two hours, and then the other members are all teasing Ryo as he declines their lunch offer in order to go back to Tokyo with Shige.

Shige falls asleep on the Shinkansen while Ryo sits quietly and watches him. He thinks back to the night before and can’t imagine what he would have done had Shige not been there. His heart clenches when he remembers the looks on his family’s faces. That kind of disgust is something he’s only ever seen in dramas, on people who are acting.

Seeing Shige’s concerned face, devoid of any ill feelings, helped comfort him more than any words could have.

When they finally get back to their apartment, Ryo feels the tension begin to drain from his body. The atmosphere is comfortable, and so much like ‘home’ that it helps him to forget about his father’s hatred, his brothers’ disgust, at least for a while.

The next time Ryo needs to go to Osaka, Shige really wants to go with him, just in case, but he has his own work to do and he can’t afford to take off. He sends Ryo off worriedly and frets all day. He calls Ryo as soon as he thinks is appropriate, but Ryo doesn’t answer and Shige just worries more. He calls and snaps at Koyama for rubbing off on him, which makes Koyama laugh, and he tries to make dinner but the rice is undercooked and he burns the fish. He hopes Ryo can’t detect the smell of fish when he gets back.

He tries to call Ryo twice more before he gives up. The next morning he wakes to find Ryo clinging to him, still dressed in clothes from the day before. He sighs sadly and covers Ryo with the comforter, smoothing his hair. He lets him sleep an extra hour before he wakes him up for work.

Ryo ends up temporarily sharing an apartment with Subaru when it becomes apparent that commuting every morning and night when he needs to be in Osaka just isn’t working the way it used to when he first had business in Tokyo. Ryo tries three more times to talk to his father, but they all end the same way. His sister calls him a few times and even meets with him once to hand him the important items he’d left behind, but she has to sneak around to do it and Ryo doesn’t want to trouble her.

The day Ryo finally gives up on ever speaking to his parents again, Shige is there to hold him. He lets Ryo cry himself out, slowly rubbing his hands on Ryo’s back. Shige fights back his own tears and feels, not for the first time, that maybe this is all his fault.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into Ryo’s hair. “I’m sorry you’ve had to sacrifice so much for me.”

Ryo just sighs and holds tighter. “Don’t say that,” Ryo replies, voice hoarse and shaky. “Without you I could never deal with this.”

“But if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“It’s true,” Ryo says and closes his eyes. “But I’m more afraid of losing you than I am of losing my parents. I might never get to speak to them again, but you’re still here with me, and that makes it okay. You’re worth it to me.”

Shige blushes hotly and sputters a little. “Don’t…don’t say such things so directly!”

Ryo grins lazily. “But I’m so comfortable now. I’m likely to say anything in this state.”

“Ryo,” Shige says after they recline on the couch together in silence for a while, “you’re worth it to me, too. I mean…if our situations were reversed. I would go through it for you.”

“I know,” Ryo sighs, “and that’s why it’s worth it.”  



	20. Love is blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted under my LJ name - doubleyey

Shige’s favorite thing about Ryo is his passion, he decides one day while he watches Ryo pose for an individual shot during work. Ryo is passionate in everything he does. When he commits himself to something, he never gets half-hearted and he always follows through. He devotes himself fully to two different bands and manages to be popular and successful in both. He’s fiercely loyal to his friends, and as a result, fiercely protective.

Sure, Ryo is stubborn (he always argues or badgers until he gets his way), arrogant (he always thinks he’s right), sometimes childish (he constantly demands attention), and bossy (he just loves to order Shige around, all the damn time), but Shige is certain that somehow or another, all these things stem from Ryo’s core passionate personality.

Shige laughs when he imagines himself as the moth drawn toward the flame.

That night Shige snuggles extra close to Ryo when they go to bed. Laughing, Ryo nudges at Shige with his shoulder. “What are you, a cat? What’s with you?”

Shige grins and bites at Ryo’s shoulder. “Nothing. I’m just feeling particularly in love with you today. If you’re smart you won’t say anything and ruin it,” he laughs.

Ryo kisses him. “That’s the first time you’ve said it, you know.”

Shige blinks. “Said what?”

“That you love me.”

“It is not!”

“Yes it is!”

“That’s not possible.”

“It’s you. Of course it is.”

Shige scowls and pokes Ryo hard in the cheek. “I really haven’t said it?”

Ryo nods.

Shige sighs and buries his head in Ryo’s neck. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“It’s okay,” Ryo says, and then smirks. “I love you too, despite how oblivious you are, and that you’re stubborn, and how much of a know-it-all you are, and your old man habits, and how scrawny you are, and how awkward you are, and –”

“I get it! Shut up.”

“I could go on.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“But somehow,” Ryo replies, “you tolerate me anyway.”

“Somehow,” Shige agrees and smiles, pulling Ryo in for another kiss. 


End file.
